


Love In A Hopeless Place

by Finn4



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:14:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24708934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finn4/pseuds/Finn4
Summary: Follow up to I Hope That I Don’t Fall In Love With You, Finnick decides that his family is in District 12, so he should be, too. But will it be too much of a sacrifice? And is there enough of him to go around?
Relationships: Katniss Everdeen/Finnick Odair
Comments: 72
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Katniss stirred only slightly when she heard the rumble of the morning train engine at the station of District 12. It was a good sign if she had allowed her body and mind to rest long enough that she was still awake when it entered the station. She had memorized its sounds. It’s giant engines so large that the entire town shook. The construction that was still rebuilding The Hob rattled like wind chimes. The train would shriek to a stop, hover and hiss for about three minutes, and then gainfully depart, blowing a hot steamy wind through the entire area. Her eyes were still closed as she mentally pictured the hustle of the station on what she could already tell, from the breeze through her window, would be a sweetly cool morning. She heard it’s whistle blow and knew that within minutes the town would be covered in a hush again. She smiled gently.

Then it hit her.  
The morning train.

Her eyes flew open as if from a nightmare, her hand grasping at the sheets of the empty bed.

“No...no, no, no....”

She was muttering to herself as she scuttled out of bed with a frenzy that almost took her off of her feet. 

“Please....no....”

If that train had left with Finnick on board and she was left alone without him again...her brain flooded with the pain of the last time that had happened. 

She bolted down the stairs. Her feet somehow carrying her. Her eyes had welled now and she was still murmuring oppositions under her breath as she peered our the front window gently before turning to the kitchen. There would have to be a sign that he was still there. A coat...a letter...a glass he had used...a length of rope.

There was more than a sign.

Katniss sopped dead in her tracks just shy of the kitchen when she heard life inside it. Her heart was pounding so hard she could only barely hear over it. 

“Like this? You’re sure.”

“I’m sure. You need lots of sugars.”

It was Finnick and Mags. Laughing and...being together.

Katniss leaned on the wall and caught her breath. She took a step or two until she could see into the kitchen. Mags was standing on the table, which made her a few inches taller than Finnick. She used his head as a railing as she reached for ingredients in the pantry, clumsily handing them to Finnick, who was guarding a bowl teaming with....stuff.

“Where’d you learn how to bake?” He asked her. She giggled. Katniss smiled at the sound.

“Peeta.” Katniss mouthed his name even as little Mags said it. Finnick smiled wide at her and then fought off a lost look as he stared at the bowl between them. Katniss allowed herself into the room.

“Good morning...” she whispered in a still-froggy voice. Finnick and Mags spun. Katniss’ eyes were locked on Finnick. His hair still tousled, wearing the clothes he had slept in...and not on the train. 

“You missed your train....” she mumbled, as Mags climbed expertly off the counter.

“I know.” He smiled coyly as their eyes stayed fixed on each other.

He wasn’t leaving. At least not yet.

Mags ran between them, kissing Katniss on the hand as she did. She hollered something about needing to get something as she rounded the kitchen and out the back door. They both watched her go.

Finnick was starting to realize there was so much to be said. Even in moments like this one. How sorry he was he had been gone. How proud he was of both of them. How he wished he could make Katniss understand him.

But, there would be time.

There was an uncomfortable silence as they each entertained all the things that could or should be said. Katniss twisted her fingers together, suddenly wondering what she might look like having sprung from bed without so much as a glance in the mirror. 

Finnick fidgeted, too, eventually lowering his eyes to the bowl he had been fixing on the counter.

“I would offer you some breakfast but to be honest I have no idea what this even is...”

They both shared a laugh and Katniss crossed the room until she was standing next to him, turning the bowl and smiling.

“Biscuits. Her favorite.”

“Her favorite...”

Finnick repeated the words, a hint of sadness in his voice. Katniss looked over at him and studied his face as she swiveled the bowl on the counter.

“She likes them with jam. From the berries in the back. You’ll learn...”

Katniss reads his face: the disappointment that he would have no idea what her favorite anything is. 

“Berries...”, Finnick repeated again, realizing now that that must be where she ran off to, “berries....she must get that from you.” He smiled and they share a little laugh, knowing that he is ribbing her for perhaps the second most famous moment in the Hunger Games. Berries.

“Maybe...”, Katniss raises an eyebrow, spotting one of Mags’ rope toys on the counter as well. She reached for it and twisted it in the air, “but this she gets from you. And she loves the water. Maybe even more than you do. And her sense of humor? That’s from Mags. Her grit...Johanna. Her incredible sense of style....obviously Effie...”

Finnick smiled as Katniss compiled a list. He knew she was right. This new generation of Panem had learned a lot from the victors that came before them and somehow that brought him great comfort. Like it wasn’t all for nothing. He placed his hand on hers, holding the rope between them...and something else caught his attention.

“Water...there’s water here?”

Katniss smiled as he suddenly morphed into a sixteen year old boy. His green eyes sparkling at the idea and she suddenly realized that Annie wouldn’t be the only thing he would be anxious about leaving behind in District Four. 

“Get dressed.”

Katniss smiled almost wickedly at him before turning and heading back up the stairs. She hated leaving him standing there but knew that the surprise would be worth it. 

Katniss tucked into her room and dressed quickly, smiling all the while. She gently woke her mother and asked her to look after Mags for a few hours. By the time she reached the front door she found Finnick standing there, dressed, combed, and smiling a smile that let her know he was just a curious about what was happening as she was excited.

“Hi.” She whispered to him as she pulled on her boots.

“Hi.” He answered back.

“We need to go quick. There is no way Mags will let me have you to myself...”

Finnick laughed at the idea and immediately Katniss retorted in her famously awkward way.

“Not that, I mean, I don’t need you alone. I mean Mags can come, I just thought we would go faster, I mean not fast, just....”

Finnick grinned silently enjoying watching her struggle because it was so...real.

“Calm down, Girl On Fire, I know what you meant.” He winked and suddenly he was arena Finnick. And while the thought cooled her she had to admit...she missed him.

It was still just after sunrise as Katniss took off out of her home slinging a pack over her back and running like a school girl down the path that led from her back yard and into the woods. She barely stopped to make sure Finnick was with her, she heard his steps and occasional laughs and knew he was in good enough shape to keep going as long as she needed him to.

They ran deep into the woods, climbing slowly and then descending until Finnick was sure they were miles from home.

“You’re not taking me out here to kill me are you?” He asked through a winded laugh. Katniss stopped and turned to him, glad to catch her breath but so anxious to reach her destination she could hardly stand it.

“Come on...” she headed on walking ahead as she teased, “we are almost there.”

She walked, but still quickly, bobbing and weaving through trees knowing exactly where she meant to end up. Finnick was too caught up in watching her move and the sound of their breathlessness that’s he couldn’t hear a hint of his surprise...the rushing water. He was too taken by seeing her in her element...owning the woods with a confidence that was what attracted him to her in the first place. 

Finally she stopped and knelt by a large cliff of broken boulder that concealed the tiny overhang of a cave. Finnick eyed her cautiously and noticed there was a metal locker there. She opened it shortly and pulled out several small bags, some netting, and...a trident. Small, to be sure, but a trident none the less. 

Finnick raised an eyebrow, and his mouth opened in a smile.

“Where did that come from?!” He asked incredulously. But instead of an answer, Katniss was once again running from him and deeper into the woods. Suddenly, yards in front of him, she came to an abrupt stop. He caught up with her and stopped at her side, breathless for more than one reason. They were at the precipice of...a waterfall.

Katniss was usually transfixed by it. The sound. The way is gracefully fell into the revene below. The unnaturally blue water. But now all she could do was stare at Finnick. Watch his face as he took it in for the first time. He bit his lip and almost sneered at it, like it was something to conquer. Minutes passed and their breath had settled before he finally tore his eyes from it to meet hers.

“Wow.”

He whispered. She grinned a full teeth bearing grin the likes of which he had never seen from her.

“I thought you might like it.” He turned to face her and moved in closer. She felt her heart hitch against her chest before he turned and looked over the edge down at the water. Then he looked back at her with eyes full of mischief. He took the trident she had been carrying and in one swift movement launched it off the cliff, following the waterfall til it lodged upright in the sandy dune at it’s bottom. Katniss was impressed. He still had it.

“How deep is it?”

He whispered and his voice oozed a sensuality that took her mind immediately from the water and thinking of the depths of something else. She saw his tongue move in his mouth and wondered if he was excited by her...or the water.

“It’s...it’s deep.” She managed to answer and his face curled into a grin as she did. He bit his lower lip and all at once tore the shirt from his body, lifting it over his arms and tossing it to the ground. The way the muscles in his back stretched and pulled as he leaned to pull of his shoes. Katniss couldn’t help but let her eyes take him in. They wandered over his chest...just as it turned from her. In one long, lean movement Finnick was off of the cliff. Of all of her years coming to this spot she never entertained jumping in. And she rushed to the edge to watching his form slip almost without a splash into the lagoon. Of course he would.

He was under water just too long for her liking. She knelt on the ledge and held her breath. Would she ever get over the fear of losing him in one way or another? 

Finally her surfaced, shouting a loud “wooo” as he shook his hair loose. He looked up at her, one eye shut in the sunlight, and smiled.

“Well? Are you coming!?”

Katniss stood and looked around. For an easier way down. The truth was it terrified her...it was too far...but she knew he was there to catch her. He always had been. Still she stumbled for an excuse.

“Look, at least one of us should try to stay alive for Mags, right?”

Finnick laughed and tread closer to the shore, just under her.

“I bet if she was here, she’d jump!” He shouted at her. And he wasn’t wrong. Especially with Finnick in the water. She cursed him. He grinned innocently and his eyes widened as he saw her take the pack from across her back, followed by her jacket. Her shoes. She was still hesitating.

Finnick moved back slightly in the water, spreading his arms, ready to catch her. 

“Damnit...” she muttered. But before he had a chance to encourage her, she had jumped from the ledge. Screaming and flailing the whole time. The penultimate opposite of his graceful swan dive.

She hit the water and it flushed into her nose. She thrashed in the water but only for a second before his arm was at her waist, lifting her to breathe. She gasped hard as she cleared the water and instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck. He was still treading water as he moved her legs around his waist and moved them through the strangely warm water just close enough to the shore that his feet hit sand.

They were just shy of being under the falling water and it sprinkled them both as he wiped a stray hair from her face. Her long, wet locks were everywhere and something so raw about it excited him in a way he hoped she wouldn’t notice. 

He drifted their bodies in the water, her still wrapped around his waist but relaxing there. Their noses touched and they each wondered if the other could see their heart beating in their chest.

“Could you be happy here?”, Katniss asked earnestly, with years of longing behind her words. Years of sitting on the cliff imagining this moment, of storing a trident in the woods, half to someday teach Mags but half in case he ever came to her. Finnick tightened his grasp around her waist.

“I am happy here.” He answered, his voice a low...gritty purr. She knew he meant it. 

“Do you love Annie?” Katniss asked even as the words were hard to push from her mouth. 

“Yes.” Finnick answered without a moment’s hesitation and it crushed Katniss, if only slightly. He continued immediately, “do you love Peeta?”

Katniss fought in her own mind to come up with not just the right answer but the honest one. She inhaled deeply.

“I do. But...it’s different. Not like how you love...Annie. I care for Peeta because he needs me, and I owe it to him.”

She let the words settle realizing she had never said them in those terms before and it felt like a giant relief. Finnick curled the corner of his mouth and then opened his lips only slightly.

“Then it isn’t different.” His green eyes were sad. He did love Annie. Deeply. But in the way a brother looks after a sister. The passion between them had become something different when Annie came back. And especially now. But how could he leave her?

“Love will always be different to us, Katniss. We know what it’s like to lose it, how fragile it is, how when you go through something together there is a bond there that doesn’t go away. Ever. Really all four of us have it. And Haymitch. Johanna. I think there’s a love there that....we just always have to protect.”

Katniss could tell he had thought this through. Rehearsed it even. And he was right. She didn’t know til he said it but it was true. The love she felt for the other victors, the desire they had to protect one another. But she recoiled when she realizes...was Finnick saying that’s all they were? Two members of a secret club no one wanted to be in?

Katniss realized she had nothing to lose, and her questions had gone unanswered before. But he had nowhere to run this time.

“Do you love me, Finnick?”

Her voice was heavy with sadness as if she dreaded the answer. He took in her face and then held it gently, lowering them into the water.

“I think I loved you before I met you. I would never have volunteered for the Quarter Quell if I hadn’t. Katniss, I do love you. Very much.”

Volunteered. The word knocked the wind out of her. She knew he was in on the plan to get her from the arena. But he volunteered for it?

His words were honest but still tinged with guilt. Finnick Odair: Victor, escort...caretaker. That last one was the hardest for him to separate from.

Finnick could tell that this moment hung in time as a place for them to learn from and move through...and he had a question of his own...that he struggled to ask. Like Katniss, the fear that he already knew the answer had kept him from asking it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked the weighted question with a boyish voice that forces Katniss’ stomach to drop. He had imagined reasons why he never knew about their baby since he saw Mags running toward them for the first time: was she was ashamed, embarrassed, unsure that he would be what she wanted in a father? Those questions had haunted him for days.

The question was, as he feared, too much, and Katniss pulled herself from him. The tears that have been welling in her eyes were dancing on the ends of them now and she was so afraid to cry in front of him now, and here.

“I didn’t want us to be another obligation. Someone else you felt guilty leaving, or responsible for. One more person you had to give up your life for....”

“Like, Annie....” he interrupted. Katniss felt a tinge if bitterness in his voice and realized she wasn’t intending to insult Finnick. Or Annie.

“No, Finnick, not that....” even though maybe it was some of that...”I wanted you to want to come back for me. Not because of Mags. Not because you had to. I wanted you to choose. Me.”

The tears in her eyes had released, and even though slightly concealed by water, Finnick could see them. He moved slowly through the water, as naturally as she would expect, and his hands were on her waist. He pulled her deeper into the water until they were submerged to their shoulders. 

“I choose you.”

He loves her.  
He chooses her.

She felt her body twitch under his hands and suddenly his mouth was on hers. They kissed passionately, the way they had been desperate to since he arrived. The way they had the last time they saw each other in the Capitol. His tongue found it’s way past her lips as she gently pushed her hips toward his. His tongue picked up a gentle pace in her mouth as his slick hands begin to work at undressing her in the water. 

Somehow being made love to by Finnick Odair in the actual water seemed like the stuff of legends. And she was about to find out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *smut and angst...my favorites...*

2

Finnick pulled Katniss gently towards him in the water, their bodies still floating together. He created only enough space to move his hand between them and pull the waist band of her pants free. He had plenty of experience taking off soaked clothes so he eased the heavy fabric down off of her thighs and past her knees until she could kick them free. He was careful to grab them and throw them to shore as he did with his own pants shortly there after. Katniss has made short work or her shirt and bra, launching them onto the dry land as well. Finnick gently beckoned her with a nod of his head and she swam towards him. 

She expected him to slow and catch her but instead he kept moving backwards until his head disappeared under the water of the fall. For as many times as she had spent days staring at its beauty she had never seen it from the other side. His confidence in water was inspiring.

Katniss dove under shallowly and then resurfaced. Behind the fall there was a small grotto-like cove. Calm blue water. Low lying dunes, a sun blocking cave that hung with beautiful greenery unlike anything else in the District. And there at the center of it, was Finnick. He was treading water and keeping distance from her...teasingly. His face was hot with lust. Cheeks flushed. Every time she attempted to move to him he backed up, but he didn’t have much more space to tease.

He closed his eyes and arched his head back slightly, biting his lip. The water was loud but she was sure he was moaning. Only then did she notice he was treading water with only his left arm paddling at the surface.

“Finnick?!...” she had to say his name loudly to be heard. She studied the familiar way his face contorted. His eyes would flutter closed for a moment and then fix on her as she saw his tongue move in his mouth. She watched his right shoulder moving slightly up and down and knew what he was doing. 

And she wanted to explode.

She swam towards him and this time he didn’t move. She closed the gap between them and reached for him in the water, feeling his hand wrapped securely around his achingly hard cock. She lightly held her hand over his and she was lost in the fascination of how he manipulated himself. Hard and then soft, fast and then slow. His chest heaved and contorted, curling back and then arching forward. He let his mouth hang open slightly as his breathe came on heavier and heavier.

“Katniss....” he whispered almost like a prayer. Breathy. Lost in the noise of the rushing water. 

Her body weighed nothing in the water. She hung herself over him, knees tightly around his hips even as he jerked himself off just beneath her. Her breasts floated at the water’s surface as she laced her arms around his neck and he lowered his face to run his tongue gently over one of her swollen nipples.

She shuddered hard against him. She felt his hand slow and with a still firm grasp he positioned himself at her entrance, rubbing gently against her clit, feeling her heat and knowing the water was going to make entering her effortless.

“Is this alright?” He asked her. Breathless. Fighting hard against the urge to bury himself in her. But also with the realization that this was, for all intents and purposes, their first real time.

She bit her lip hard. Not wanting to just scream for him to hurry, that she had waited three years and didn’t want to wait another second. 

“P...please....yes....” her thoughts were cloudy and thick and her words matched them. And the sound of her begging for him was almost enough to put him over the edge and end the thing before it had a chance to start. He slowly moved his hand and let it be replaced by her. Sliding up into her effortlessly as she gasped and tightened her legs on his hips. She winced as she readjusted to his size and he stopped immediately, waiting for her to nod for him to go ahead. 

His cock filled her entirely, already throbbing with heat deep inside her, and once he was content she rested on him completely...twitching and lurching on him in a way she couldn’t control. He braced himself against her shoulders, still floating in the water, and started lifting up into her. His pace quickened and he slid a hand in between them, moving his fingers over her expertly, daring her not to come for him.

Several times she tried to say his name but the words wouldn’t come. And then suddenly from the pit of her stomach something...grew. She wailed. A sob. Years of emotion that had over taken her body in an animalistic way she had zero control over. His name was tangled up in it, but she didn’t know if he could tell. He just held her tighter, fingered her softly, unable or unwilling to stop. He tucked his head against her neck, his tongue rolling over her skin, tasting and humming against her as she continued to scream. She was so grateful for the pounding water concealing her inability to control her own voice. Her fingers dug and pulled in his hair so hard he winced and she felt herself tightening around him. 

She managed to regain some control by just holding her breath as Finnick drove himself up into her, creating a wake in the water. But he could feel his own body tensing and knew he wouldn’t be able to keep them afloat. He pushed against her, hands all over her flesh until her back was against the stone ledge. He gently laid her back against it, the cool of the cliff chilling her as he lifted himself up by his arms. Staring down onto her shivering, convulsing frame.

She lifted her head and struggled to focus her eyes but she wanted to watch him. She propped herself on her elbows and tucked her head between them and just... watched.

She watched his face as he alternated between being lost in the way his own body felt and checking in on hers, smiling down at her warmly even as she continued to weep softly. Knowing it wasn’t the kind of weeping meant to ward him off but something pure that she couldn’t control as she gave herself completely to him. She watched his chest, his abdomen. They way they would rise and fall, tighten and loosen. She was particularly taken by the way the taught muscles in his lower belly would give her a signal that he was preparing to deepen inside her even before he did it. 

And then she found herself dropping her knees apart. Transfixed in watching his cock slowly appear and disappear from her. He was shiny and slick with her and sweat...they both were...and the water they had just emerged from. He would lift himself and create space, and she would inhale sharply as he all but left her empty, watching his entire shaft pull from her. And then she would hold that same breath as he lowered his hips again until he was so deep in her she swore she could see her own belly rise. Neither of them had much hair to conceal anything so when he was pressed deep in her she noticed him rocking slightly so that his pelvic bone rubbed her just right and she would jump and tighten each time. 

He noticed her watching and he did, too. He took her hand from her side and guided it down to them. And innocently, like a curious child, she played at both of them. Letting her fingers rub the hard nub of her clit as he pulled from her, and those same slick fingers gently wrapping around the base of him as there was room. She felt him moan each time she did it, and continued to let her hands work on them even as she noticed herself lifting her toes off the ground, tightening the muscles in her thighs as they hung in the air beside them.

Her eyes opened wide and stared at him. She had only felt this once before, the last time he was inside of her, and it was welling up in every fiber of her lower body.

“Finnick...” she called his name as she propped up on an elbow, closing in on him and more desperate than ever to just see it all happen. His name came over her lips like a question, almost like she needed to know it was ok.

“I know, baby, I feel it....”

Baby. Something about the pet name on his lips drove her wild and she groaned as he purred it. Her fingers were working furiously now, pulling at her clit while pushing down to feel him push and pull from her. 

In one of his long and teasing removals he let himself slip free from her, and she felt him lay closer, matching her height as he used an elbow to not collapse on her. She furrowed her brow only for a second before she realized he had replaced himself with his fingers. Two of them, gliding easily in and out of her, curving and twisting to touch places inside of her no one had. Her finger still rubbed her clit, so furiously back and forth it was almost numb. Her mouth hung open and her eyes started to roll back, as Finnick watched her get close to the edge. He leaned in and rested his head by hers, eyes studying her face, as he took her busy fingers, his own hand hot and slick from her, and pushed her finger into her center, joining his. She matched his rhythm and studied the feel of them moving and playing inside of her together as she heated and tensed.

“I want you to feel what I feel....” he whispered, his voice hot on her skin, “I want you to come for me.”

And she did. She let out a guttural cry and her legs shook violently, nearly kicking him. And then she felt it. Her soaking wet pussy contracted so hard around their hands it was like it was trapping them inside...her body was literally sucking on their fingers trying to pull them deeper. His finger still pushed and pulled furiously but she had stopped moving, just noticing the way her body sucked at her finger, all beyond her control. She was crying his name as she felt herself dripping the warm fluid that was covering both of their hands. 

Her body shook silently a few more times, convulsing involuntarily in a way she hadn’t felt since her body raged from toxic fog, and she remembered being desperate for him then, too. She curled her body into fetal position, tucking into him even as her hand was still clenched between her trembling thighs. He, however had removed his, and between her movements as her hooded eyes fought to open she saw him take his hand, shiny and dewy from her own body and hold his cock firmly against her hip. He barely moved his hand but she could tell her knew what he was doing, what he liked and needed. So she only watched for a second or two before replacing his hand with hers and whispering to him, finally finding her voice again.

“Look at me, Finn...”

She had never called him by anything other than his full name, at least not to his face, and it brought a small smile to his lips and he obeyed her, raising his eyes to meet hers. His top teeth took the entirety of his lower lip behind them and he whined, a squeal as she mimicked his slight gestures on the cock that was throbbing painfully in her hand. She wanted so badly to stare at him like this forever. His face twisted in desire for her, his green eyes glowing, water falling behind him, but as soon as she felt him jolt in her hand she couldn’t help but watch.

She lowered her eyes and tightened her wet grip on him as he exploded all over her side, covering her soft hip with his cum as he gently bucked against her skin, cooing and cuddling into the nape of her neck. It was something she had only felt and never seen, and somehow it was all at once incredibly sexy and fascinating...and thrilling to think that she could have this effect on him. 

He emptied onto her and she slowly stroked him as his flesh eased and returned, which in itself fascinated her. She ran her fingers through the sticky mess he left on her skin. She could feel his heart pounding at her side and she tucked neatly back into him, their fingers weaving together as they lay there hidden by the waterfall. She could have stayed that way forever. 

And they did for a long while. Not once did either of them care that they were completely exposed. That in itself was a comfort. There was no fear...not only from one another, but from the outside world. No hovercraft. No cameras. No threats.

The morning stretched on and eventually Finnick guided them back into the water to freshen up. Katniss climbed out onto the now warm expanse of sand where they had flung their clothes and set about drying them. She pulled on her panties and bra and hung everything else on juts of rock until they could dry.

Finnick set about pulling his trident from the sand. And, still naked but submerged to his waist, he expertly used it to spear several fish from the water. He would toss them to the sand as he did. And Katniss just watched, a smile across her face as her toes played in the sand. This was the Finnick she had read about but never seen. 

After awhile he emerged from the water and suddenly she blushed at the naked form she had only recently not been alerted by at all. His confidence in his body was something that impressed and depressed her. What choice had he had. She remembered mocking him for it the first time they met and snarled at the memory. 

“Wanna see who can start a fire faster?” He asked as he pulled his pants on, and she realized he intended to cook his pile of prize fish.

Katniss just lay back on the warm dune.

“I trust you.” She answered as he smiled and knelt by the pile. He picked up a small greenish fish, long dead, and tossed it on her. She shrieked and he laughed.

“Ok if I start the fire, you can clean the fish.”

Katniss raised an eyebrow, “and what does exactly does cleaning fish entail? Aren’t they already clean?” She knee from cleaning deer, dog, squirrel...you name it...what he meant. But she wasn’t giving in that easily.

Finnick laughed as he retrieved the fish he had thrown at her. He held it in both his hands and made it’s mouth move as though it were speaking to her.

“No, clean the fish. Taking off all the scales and bone so we can cook the meat.”

She made a vomitous face and kicked sand at him. Finnick leaned over her and kissed her chastely on the forehead. She grinned so wide she made dimples and brushed some of the still wet hair from his forehead.

Suddenly there was a loud gong. Faint and in the distance, but loud enough to be unsettling. 

In one long movement Finnick had retrieved his trident and was poised over her holding it in the direction of the sound, his eyes wide.

She put her hand to his chest and hushed him, alarmed by how quickly he could ready himself for battle. Would that ever go away?

“It’s ok. It’s the clock tower in town. It’s noon. Listen.”

Twelve chimes. Finnick relaxed and smiled embarrassingly.

“Why is it so loud? We have to be miles away.” He defended himself sheepishly.

“You should hear it in town.” She answered with a laugh. It was true. It was loud. But Katniss herself had requested as much, so that she would hear it in the woods. They could also use it as a signal. A warning if needed.

Finnick dropped his head and Katniss could tell he was lost in thought. She studied him for awhile as he twirled the trident in his hand longingly.

“You’re thinking about her...aren’t you?” Katniss whispered, not meaning for it to be as accusatory as it sounded. But Finnick didn’t argue or defend.

“I’m thinking about a lot of things, Katniss. But yeah, she’s one of them.” 

His face was long. His eyes deep. She knew he had hard decisions to make. They all had. She wanted to not be hurt by it. Or jealous. She wanted to believe that what they had just shared was something only between them. But suddenly her mind flooded with the image of him losing himself inside of Annie the same way he just had with her and she hated herself for it. That was something she would never have. The memory of that experience with anyone else.

Finnick could read her face.

“Hey...” he moved to apologize. He should have lied.

“No, Finnick, it’s alright. I understand. You love her.”

“Katniss it’s not like that....”

“Finnick I said it’s fine.”, she was shouting now, whether she meant to or not, and pulling her dry clothes on, “look we need to get back anyway. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Clearly.” Finnick answered with a light sarcasm that stuck right under her skin, “what about these fish?”

“I don’t know. Clean them yourself.”

Her back was to him as she was already climbing the rocky cliff to head home. What had just happened? Why had she flipped a switch she somehow couldn’t unflip.

She could hear him calling after her but she didn’t turn. Her eyes were glazing over and she wasn’t going to let him see that. 

He didn’t deserve the guilt she suddenly wanted him to feel.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *and...all...the...angst...*

3

Katniss returned home to find her mother and Mags folded together in a nap on the back porch of her home. They were so peacefully resting that she took the long way from the woods around the front of her home in the Victor’s Village so as not to wake them. She ran the stairs to her room and changed into fresh clothes, throwing her pack onto the bed and watching out her window at the tree lined path into the timber from which she had just emerged. Still no sign of Finnick. She shouldn’t have left him behind, he didn’t know these woods like she did. No one ever had. Not even Gale. Maybe her father. She allowed herself a quick moment of imagining the two men meeting. She wondered what her dad would have thought of this lean stranger from Four.

Still no sign of him. Enough time had passed that Katniss rose from her chair in the window and moved to put shoes on, to go after him. But as soon as she did she eyed his form emerging from the berth of the woods. Carrying the trident tied to his back with a new length of rope he must have...woven? And a net full of fish. He wasn’t lost in the woods, he was learning how to own them.

She sat again, watching him, studying his face. She had wounded him to be sure, but he had done the same. She wondered how long it would be until these open wounds had healed. Or until she learned how to stop picking scabs.

She saw him stop and notice Mags on the porch just as she did. He smiled and cocked his head for a moment, and then rounded the house like she had. She listened for him to come through the front door. When she heard him open and then latch it, she expected him to come up looking for her. Instead he headed to the kitchen and she heard water running.

She tiptoed down the stairs as she fingered her still wet curls into a braid over her shoulder. She slipped into the kitchen and watched him working in the sink. He didn’t look but he knew she was there.

“Someone told me to clean my own fish...so here I am, taking orders like a good boy.”

She winced, wishing she could see his face. Was this a barb meant to hurt or a playful Finnick Odair jab meant just to unsettle her?

He kept busying himself in the water, and she stood dumbfounded trying to think of the right words. Finally he shut the faucet and turned to her. She held her breath waiting to meet his glance as he dried his hands on a towel. Still wearing the grey shirt he had dried by the falls. Still damp. Still...stung.

She tucked a stray piece of hair that had somehow missed her braid behind her ear, trying to make herself look at him but feeling so small.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything about Annie.” Her voice came as a whisper but she found the words quickly which was a relief. She managed to lift her eyes to see his reaction. He hadn’t looked at her either. He was still ringing his hands in a towel as he responded to her.

“Maybe not in that moment, no. But we’re gonna have to talk about her at some point. If we want this...”, he gestured with a hand at first to the room surrounding them and even out the window, and then finding it’s way back and forth between them, “...us...to work out...”

She nodded in agreement. He tripped over some words and managed to have a seat at the table, laying the towel down and running his hands through the hair on top of his forehead.

“I don’t know what to do, Katniss. I don’t know what she knows and what she doesn’t know. How she feels. If she even knows who I am anymore....”

Katniss stood her ground in the door way, listening to his words and reading in his body language how much he was tortured by her...their...current situation.

“What if she doesn’t?” Katniss whispered, trying to sound optimistic.

“And what if she does?” He responded quickly, looking up at her pleadingly, “I can bring her here. Take care of her here. Make her leave her home, but for what? What if she knows how I feel now? She could never understand what’s happened...she can never know....”

Katniss knew that he wasn’t just talking about she and him. He was talking about all of it. And even though his secret may be more common knowledge now than ever, she knew that no one would ever understand it the way she did. Nor would she want them to. 

“You can love us both. Like you said, we all care for each other in a way that no one else knows. No one who wasn’t in the games can understand how it’s changed us. You can love her and you can love Mags and you can love me. I mean, you’re practically trained in loving lots of people....”

Katniss. What the hell. Her breath stopped mid sentence, in her verbal diarrhea trying desperately to convince him to feel ok in his own emotions she let words fly from her mouth that she didn’t intend. At. All. Yet there they were.

He stared at her. Stunned.

“What did you say?” He voice was all at once wounded and angry, and it startled her.

She just stared at him. Her head flooded with things to say but none of them would bubble to the surface of her mouth. That she hadn’t meant it. That what she meant was that he had two women who loved him deeply, surely that would be easier that the other things he had faced. But maybe not for Finnick. And she was seeing that now.

His face was unchanging and he stared at her so intently it almost hurt.

“It’s ok, I’ll wait.”

He wasn’t going to let her off the hook. He wanted to hear her explain it away. Mostly because it all but confirmed his fears of how she might think of him. That anything he did, felt or said was just what he had been programmed to do. And coming from her hurt the most.

“Wait, then. I waited for three years.”

Her voice was full of quiet rage. Instead of just explaining it away he had cornered her. And if one thing was true about Katniss Everdeen it was that she did not like being cornered. And when she was? 

She. Lashed. Out.

Hard.

Finnick gripped the towel on the table and clenched his hands, realizing he was about to go into a verbal arena. 

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I’m not talking about Mags,” she interrupted him moving to the edge of the table, “you knew I was here. You left. YOU never said goodbye, and YOU never came back.”

“Katniss, I couldn’t...” he tried to find a pause in her rising volume and cadence to defend himself but the truth was that she was right. He hadn’t. And he didn’t have a good excuse other than being afraid. Ashamed. 

“Stop telling me you couldn’t. You came now. What changed?! Nothing. Other than missing three years or her life. And mine. I had her. On my own. With only my mother there for me. I’ve dealt with the stares. On my own. I hear people whisper. On my own. So I’m sorry that I’m struggling to feel sorry for a girl who has had you this whole time and probably doesn’t even realize it. You didn’t chose me, Finnick. You chose her.”

“I didn’t know that you’d even want to see me. After...everything. I didn’t know if maybe that had to die with the Capitol. I didn’t know what to do. What you wanted. You have to know that. After everything that I did...” Finnick was desperately trying to diffuse the situation and calm her. But knowing he deserved a good chunk of it weighed heavy on his shoulders.

“Poor Finnick,” she spat at him now, not even thinking of the words. But she realized that there was a dark and deep seed of resentment and anger that she had somehow unearthed inside her and it had fully taken over.

“All the things YOU HAD to do. You enjoyed it.”

“That’s enough, Katniss...” Finnick was begging her to stop with his voice, still sitting at the table.

“Is it enough? Was I not enough? Maybe I wasn’t as good as all of your other lovers? Would you have stayed then?” She was tearing into him just to see how far she could.

“Katniss, I said enough.”

“I’m not giving you exactly what you want this time and that’s hard. Isn’t it? Look, just go. Back to Annie. Or whoever it is you are fucking these days. And don’t worry about Mags. She’s probably just one of many children of yours, running around Panem wondering where or even who you are....”

“I SAID THAT’S FUCKING ENOUGH!”

Finnick stood from his chair and slammed his fist so hard into the table she was sure she heard it crack. It startled her and knocked her back into some semblance of sanity. She had snapped. Things that had gone unsaid mingled with things that should never be said...and none of it could be unsaid.

He leaned into the table as if he had been hit, his knuckles red and raw from punching it. Katniss fought to catch her breath. Her nostrils flared like she had just returned from a battle. One she wasn’t sure who won.

“Don’t ever talk to me like that again. You’re right. I chose Annie. And you’re right, I was very well trained. At making choices that weren’t about me they were to keep people alive. You were surrounded by your family. Your friends. Haymitch. We lost Mags. For you. Annie had no one. I don’t expect you to understand that.”

He voice was still soft but it brimmed with anger now. He forced the chair under him away and rounded the table until he was next to her. She was still staring blankly at the chair he had just occupied, tears threatening her eyes. He leaned in to her and spoke into her ear.

“And that wasn’t fucking. That was making love. But you don’t love me, I see that now. So I wouldn’t expect you to feel that way. You see me the way they all did. I buried that person and I thought you had, too.”

Finnick barely brushed her shoulder as he moved past her, she heard him rounding the stair case as he whispered, “I should have never come here.”

She was frozen. Shaking. Numb. The tears in her eyes were stuck there, bubbling on her lower eyelid as she mouthed words that wouldn’t come. His name.

Finnick.

She knew he had been hurt. But this might have been the final straw.


	4. Chapter 4

4

Katniss sat awake in the chair in her room. Knowing there was no way she would find even a moment’s sleep. Finnick hadn’t come back down from his room since he left her standing in the kitchen. When it was time for dinner, a dinner Effie was hosting at Haymitch’s house, Katniss went ahead and sheepishly sent her mother up for Finnick. But when she arrived to dinner alone she simply told Katniss and company that Finnick hadn’t been feeling well and sent his regrets. 

Her heart sunk. How could she make this right? What did making it right even look like?

Aside from faking conversation over dinner, she couldn’t really pretend to be happy either. Her mother had taken Mags home after she fell asleep on Haymitch’s couch, and Katniss had treasured the opportunity to walk home.

“Hey, hold up, sweet heart.” Haymitch’s voice trailed after her as she made her way from his porch to walk. Her direction obviously letting him know she was taking the long way....not walking the two doors down to where she lived.

Haymitch reached her, winded. He smiled embarrassingly, “guess I’ll need to hit the gym a little bit more if you’re gonna keep running away from me...”, he started and then read the honestly on her face...which had appeared now that they were alone.

“Although somethin’ tells me it’s not me you’re running from. Am I close?”

She nodded in agreement, still silent. Haymitch sat down on a metal bench that was one of many that lined the grassy knoll down the main path in Victor’s Village. He leaned back and sighed as he watched the sunset. He pointed at it.

“You know, I still remember the last sunset I watched before I went to the Games. I remember thinking that I needed to memorize it cause I’d never see another one. I was half right.”

As he spoke Katniss sat next to him, studying him and taking in his words. When he wasn’t half in the bag, he was about the only person who really got her. He looked at her and patted her knee.

“Sunsets changed. Now, there’s something about seeing a sunset you never thought you’d get to. You have to try to find the beauty in that. But they are never the same. They don’t change, but the eyes looking at them do. And you can’t change ‘em back, kid, I wish ya could.”

Katniss nodded slowly. She knew what he was saying. They had all been changed. And that was something that even reclaiming the Capitol could never undo.

“How do you do it?” She whispered to him, desperate to now how to survive without the nightmares, both waking and asleep. Without suddenly becoming what she had been in the kitchen earlier that day.

“I have you. Peeta. Johanna, even if she does scare the shit out of me. The people that know. And I have Mags. The people that make it worth trying.”

He smiled gently at her and she returned it. Then his hand tightened on her knee just slightly.

“You gotta know Finnick hasn’t had any of that. No one but Annie, and she’s more harm than good anymore. Mags was that for him, and he lost her. Well, he lost one Mags. And now you gotta figure out a way to help him with this...new Mags. He’s been on his own and I don’t mean since the rebellion. He’s always been on his own. Strong for other people but I don’t know that he knows how to be strong for himself. I mean, he’s like me only not nearly as good looking, am I right?”

Haymitch took the opportunity to lighten her mood, knowing that he was laying a lot at her feet. But he knew Finnick. He had known him since he was a child. He volunteered at 14 after losing both of his parents and a sibling to a shipwreck. So really there was no telling the last time he had been whole.

“I fucked up today, Haymitch. I fucked up real good.” Katniss whispered, resting her hand on his until he took it.

“Sweetheart you’ve been one fuck up after another since I’ve met you and you always come out on top. So, the way I see it, the odds are ever in your favor.”

He winked at her and pat her hand, sending her on her way. She rose from the bench and he sat, watching the sun continue to set.

“Katniss...” he called after her. She turned to watch him continue, “does Peeta know?”

Katniss furrowed her brow, confused, “know what?”

“That you‘re in love with Finnick.” Haymitch pointed the question she had been avoiding from him since he found them wrapped up together the day of their rescue. And for the first time she wonders if it might...bother Peeta?

“No. I don’t....I don’t think so.”

She answered unsurely but honestly before turning back towards her house and pondering his question even more.

Would Peeta care? Was he truly over her the way he seemed to be? Was this a hint of how Finnick had been feeling?

She reached the dark and quiet house and slid up the stairs soundlessly. She had waited long enough that Mags was already asleep. Peacefully in the bed they shared. Katniss sat in her window chair and watched her baby girl sleep effortlessly. She quietly thanked the universe that she had no idea the shell of the world she was living in. Or the tidal wave it had endured that afternoon. She wiped a stray tear and then closed her eyes against them. She should go to Finnick. Apologize. Talk. But she was frozen in her room. 

This was their three year legacy. On the other side of the wall, in the room Finnick had been guesting in, he sat bare chested on the floor...leaning against the thin wall that separated them...and tied and untied knots into a thin piece of rope. Katniss rose from her chair and undressed, pulling a long undershirt over her slight frame and then sitting against that same wall, on it’s other side. She rested her head against it and could swear she heard his knock back. 

With only a thin piece of drywall between them they were worlds apart. And by morning, they would once again be separated by not one, or two...but eight Districts.


	5. Chapter 5

5

The morning came to early and she was awake to see the whole thing. Laying in bed with Mags curled up on her chest, her fingers weaving ringlets in her black hair. Katniss has been fighting off nausea all night, making herself sick with dread. All she wanted was to go to him so he could make it alright. Or she could. Or they both could. But she was too stubborn. Too proud.

The nausea took her back to the morning she first knew she was pregnant. In the woods, she fought off some pangs of nausea which she contributed to anxiety. She hadn’t been feeling well, but that was her new normal. Nothing ever felt right. When she finally did lose the contents of her lunch after skewering a rabbit with her precise arrow, her hands shook as it dawned on her. It had been two months since the Capitol. Since the rescue. She flashbacked to that night, as she often did, but remembered Finnick coming deep inside of her. She remembered the pills he had given her the morning before. Could this be happening? He came inside of her just one time...were the odds just continually going to be not in her favor? She dropped to her knees in a panic attack as it dawned on her and she vomited again. Finnick was alive, but the night in her flashbacks...the night where he came deep inside of her and she fell asleep tucked into him and sleepily professing her love...she hadn’t seen him since. He had Annie. And now she had....

Katniss looked down at Mags as she started to rouse. Her tiny pink nose wrinkled and she yawned, wrapping her arms around Katniss’ sides before letting her eyes open. Those fierce, sea green eyes.

As soon as they were partially open they flung the rest of the way open. She sat up, in a wild tangle of bed head that made Katniss chuckle.

“Morning, you crazy girl...”

Mags looked at her and laughed, still yawning. She hopped out of bed in her white night down and headed straight for the door.

“And where do you think you’re going? The sun is barely up.” Katniss whispered to her.

Mags gave her a mischievous grin.

“I need to see if Finnick feels better. If not I’m going to take care of him.” She stomped her foot and headed promptly out the door. Katniss felt herself smile just a bit before whispering another instruction.

“Do not wake him if he is asleep, Mags!”

Katniss laid back down and looked out the window, listening for Mags’ feet down the hallway. But in her mind she disagreed with her sentiment. 

Go ahead and wake him, she thought, then tell him to come down here...

Katniss laid for a long time in the silence. He didn’t come. She wondered if he had found sleep at all or if he had been up as tortured and restless as she had been.

The sun was in the sky and the still quiet of the house unnerved her. She decided she had no choice but to get up and face the day, to face him. She pulled a grey robe over her black night shirt and padded down the hall lightly. She slunk past the cracked door to the room he had been in. A small stream of light shown through it now. Just enough for her to see that his bed was empty. And made neatly. She opened the door to reveal his seemingly cavernous room.

Her heart sank. His things were gone, but not his smell. The train hadn’t come yet, she knew she had time. But she would have to use that time to prepare herself for the fact that he was leaving. She walked through the room and to the window, this one overlooking the front of her house and the main grounds of the Victor’s Village. She pressed her hand to the glass fearfully as she looked down. 

There was Finnick. Already dressed. In a buttoned up grey jacket and pants, the same she had seen him arrive in days before. She felt a tear roll over one of her cheeks and she let it go, not wanting to take her hand from the glass. Finnick was talking to someone. She had to lean forward to see. 

It was her Mother. They talked earnestly, each taking turns, and the conversation seemed pleasant but intense. Oh, how she wished the window had been open and she could hear their words. His voice.

Katniss watched as her mother put a hand on his shoulder and pat it....just as Mags bounded down the steps, still in her pajamas. She danced around them, twirling and singing. Katniss couldn’t be amused by it, she was too...broken. 

Finnick turned to her and knelt, his pack still over one shoulder. The same way he had greeted his daughter just days before. His back was to Katniss but she watched Mags run and jump into is arms. She latched onto him hard and closed her eyes on his shoulder. He held her tight for longer than she expected. Like he couldn’t let her go. Katniss felt several other tears leave her eyes. But her feet weighed one hundred pounds and she was powerless to move them.

Finally Finnick released her and sat her down neatly. He stroked her hair and rubbed the sides of her arms before taking something from his pocket to give to her and whispering in her ear. She looked sad but stoic. A quality she had inherited from both of her parents. 

He stood swiftly, not turning around but regrouping his pack over his shoulder, he touched Mags on the shoulder once more before heading down the gravel path through Victor’s Village. His shoulders slumped as his hands entered his pockets. 

Katniss was frozen. She whispered his name against the glass before putting her forehead to it. Willing him to turn around.

Suddenly there was a scream.

“Daddy!” 

Daddy. Mags shouted after him, a name she had never called him and a word no one ever, ever told her to attach to him. Katniss’ eyes flew open as she watched the tiny body take off running towards him, kicking up sand as she flew. 

Katniss matched her speed, running down the stairs and out the open front door. She stopped only briefly and shared a confused look with her mom.

“I didn’t tell her, Katniss....” her mother whispered as she gently touched her arm. Katniss turned from her and watched as Mags reached Finnick, who had been walking back towards her. He scooped her into his arms and she latched onto him like a monkey to a tree branch. He closed his eyes and held her taking slow steps back towards the house as his eyes slowly opened and met Katniss’ own. He stopped and stared at her. 

Even though she was barefoot and in a tied up grey robe, she started down the steps and walked quietly towards them. She stopped for a breath just arms length from their twisted up forms, before closing the gap and embracing Mags from behind, her face on the opposite side of Finnick’s. She felt his hand slip off of Mags back and onto her own. The three of them cried in three different ways: Mags sobbed, Katniss let tears stream that had been leaking slowly since she woke, and Finnick’s eyes were dry but red and swollen from an obviously long and emotional night. 

Katniss lifted her eyes to look at him, knowing that she was responsible for a least a handful of the reasons his face was a pained, thinly veiled mask.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She whispered through a choke and he curled a corner of his mouth as the sound of her voice seemed to calm Mags into the breathing of someone coming off a good cry.

“Let’s make a promise, ok? Let’s just...stop being sorry. No more apologizing all the time...for things we couldn’t help. Alright?”

Finnick eased the words from his mouth like a prayer and Katniss felt herself smile and nod as she wiped a stray tear. In the distance, they felt the ground start to shake. 

The train.

Finnick lowered Mags to the ground and knelt with her.

“I’ll be back,” he said to her, taking his chin in her hand. He stared at her and smiled until she did as well, and then he lifted his eyes to Katniss, “I’ll be back. I promise.”

She nodded and pulled gently on Mags, letting her fall into her bare legs, which she immediately grabbed. The train whistle was starting to fill the town and windows rattled as it approached. Finnick watched over his shoulder as if he was measuring how much time he would need to make it. He turned back to Katniss and put a hand behind her ear. Her eyes still wet, lip quivering.

He leaned and tilted his head to the side just enough room slide his lips easily onto hers and she pressed back into him. They kissed chastely several times, lips parting and then meeting. Over and over. She ran her fingers through his hair and inhaled deeply, trying to cement his smell in her senses.

He winked, adjusted his pack, and then turned...running now...to catch his train to District Four.

Katniss scooped Mags up and they watched him together. Katniss inhaled and noticed that Mags smelled of him as well. She grinned and opened her eyes. 

As she turned to walk Mags home, and maybe even get out of the square in her bare feet and pajamas, she noticed the curtains move in Peeta’s home. She stared for a long moment and saw Peeta closing them. They were sheer enough that she could still see him, staring at her, from his wheelchair. Had he been there the whole time? More than likely. He stared through the window at her until he had wheeled away and she lost sight of him. Her heart sank. She never meant to hurt him. She never meant to hurt anyone...

But she had a real gift for it.

As she returned to her porch, she eased Mags down...who ran past her mother yelling about making biscuits as she entered the front door. Katniss and her mother shared an easy laugh at the girl who was all at once over the pain they both still felt surround them.

“This morning...I saw you talking to Finnick....” Katniss whispered, recalling seeing them engaged in long conversation before he left. Katniss’ mother nodded and turned to her.

“He was letting me know about Annie. What she might need. What medications she takes, what...struggles she has....” Katniss furrowed her brow, intent to know every word Finnick spoke to her, “as the medical caretaker in our District I told him I would be happy to care for her. When she comes to stay.”

Katniss’ mother smiled weakly. Knowing this news was good...but that it came with more baggage than either of them had fully realized. 

Katniss left her mother on the porch and walked towards Mags in the kitchen. While she intended to help her get breakfast, she just collapsed into a chair at the table. She fought off a sob and instead just let slow tears stream down the sides of her face. Mags turned and hopped off of the counter she had begun scaling. She climbed easily onto Katniss’ lap and studied her face.

“Are you sad, mommy?” She asked with an eyebrow arched that made her look so much like Finnick it was almost unsettling. Katniss wiped a stray tear and smiled even as she nodded yes...causing more tears to flow.

“Here.” She opened her hand and revealed a small, beautifully woven heart, tied together with pieces of net and branches from the woods. Her woods. His net.

“Finnick said I should give it to you. If you were sad.”

She placed it into Katniss’ hand and then laid against her.

“I love Finnick.” She whispered into Katniss’ robe as she nuzzled it. Katniss slung her arms around her, still studying the beautiful creation in her hand. 

“Me, too, Mags. Me, too.”


	6. Chapter 6

6

Katniss has received word from Four that Finnick would be arriving by train just over week after he left. With Panem still rebuilding most communication had to go through the Capitol. That had become Beetee’s job. So it was he who delivered the message. When he left she had no idea how long it would until he could return, so a week felt like a gift.

On the day he was set to arrive, on the last train of the day and not the first, Johanna also returned from the Capitol. Katniss has been alerted only hours before and met her at the station, unsure about why her trip was also so sudden. Johanna usually only came to 12 for the annual remembrance...but Katniss had to admit she was glad to have her back.

She waved and smiled at Johanna as she saw her depart the train. Kicking and cursing at her heavy bag while it tumbled down the steps before her. She looked up in desperation and met Katniss’ face, trying to conceal a laugh.

“Don’t just fucking stand there, Jesus!”

Katniss moved to help her, running to pick up the luggage and smile at the attendant who tipped his hat knowingly, both of them enjoying a laugh at Johanna’s expense. She stood stoically between them, hands on her hips, shaking her head.

“Well, here I fucking am. Who doesn’t dream of retiring to the illustrious mining towns of District 12. It’s everything I ever dreamed.”

Katniss raised an eyebrow and eyed the huge suitcase. Lots of stuff. Retiring. Did she plan to stay?

“There are worse places,” Katniss joked as she lifted the heavy suitcase to her side, “you’re back sooner than I expected. And I feel bad I didn’t realize it was a retirement party....”

Johanna stopped and stared at her, dumbfounded.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t know? What is this...the arena?? Let’s all band together to help Katniss but no one tell her? Fuck.”

Katniss sat the suitcase down. Perplexed.

“Help me what?”

Johanna heaved a heavy sigh and motioned to a bench nearby. Katniss drug the suitcase as Johanna walked ahead. She sat down first and crossed a leg that tapped anxiously. Katniss sat beside her.

“Look. I don’t need you to thank me so get that shit out of your mind for starters, ok?,” Katniss nodded yes and smiled slightly, but she was still baffled by Johanna’s actions, “look. Odair has done a lot for me. And I know no one ever does shit for him...so we just decided....you know, maybe it was my turn. To help.”

Katniss nodded but her brow was furrowed, trying to decipher Johanna’s thoughts and words as she replied, “thank you?”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE EVERDEEN WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING SAY??” Johanna yelled and Katniss immediately recoiled. She had just promised not to thank her but what was even happening?? Johanna continued...

“Look I’m gonna babysit Annie so loverboy doesn’t have to, ok?” Johanna took a deep breath and tried to lighten her tone, “listen, she’s a mess. She has been forever. Finnick knows it. He’s just too damn noble to leave her. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves....fucking fuck...I guess he deserves you.”

Johanna smiled at her and even though it was wild, it was honest. Katniss wanted to thank her again. But she didn’t dare.

“Oh man, now would you look at this two for one deal. Katniss...Roomie....”

Haymitch came practically tumbling, out of breath but grinning, towards them. They both laughed in his direction as he approached them and grabbed the suitcase, “come on. I need to show you something. Quick.”

Johanna looked at Katniss and shrugged. Katniss stood and offered Johanna a hand as they rose together. 

“Roomie?” Katniss asked Johanna as they followed after him.

“You thought I’d be living with you? Jesus. Like I wanna sit around and listen to the two of you fuck all the time. I actually chose Haymitch’s place if that tells how much the idea turns me on.”

Johanna was so crude. But man did she put Katniss at ease. She always envied Johanna’s ‘zero fucks given’ attitude. But she started to wonder about this plan she was clueless about. She hated feeling in the dark, but so far this one was shaping up alright. Johanna and Haymitch has clearly worked something out. And if she was staying with him...did that mean Annie would, too?

They trailed behind Haymitch who moved at a quick clip, especially for him, and caught up on life in general. The happenings in the capitol for Johanna, the mess she had made with Finnick for Katniss. Finally, they reached Victor’s Village and stopped just under the gate. There stood Haymitch, beaming, next to the large three tiered fountain that marked the entrance. And it was....running! Haymitch lifted his eyebrows and presented it, incredibly proud.

“Well would you look at that?! I have been working on this piece of shit for months, and today of all days I got the damn thing running.” Haymitch kicked the side of it as both girls admired the sound of the water cascading in it. It really was beautiful. It had sat there, waterless, since before Katniss could remember. It had probably fallen into disrepair sometime after Haymitch’s victory. But it made the already vastly improved Victor’s Village feel even more like home. And how apropos that the water return to it the day Finnick was set to arrive.

The three of them took it in for a moment before Haymitch hoisted the bag and moved to take it into his house.

“Johanna, I’m assuming you’ll want to share a room with me....” he shouted back at her.

“I’d sooner share a dungeon full of tracker jackers with Coriolanus Snow, thank you very much. I’m rooming with Cresta.” She shouted back. Haymitch’s house, like that of most victors, had ample living space. Katniss was fighting back a laugh...hard...as she saw her mother walking down toward the house as well, carrying a few bags.

Katniss and Johanna both moved to help her, and Katniss inspected the bags as she did, asking, “is this medicine? Supplies?”

“Among other things, yes.”

Her mother answered as Katniss noticed the bags were also full of clothing, some toiletries, books that belonged to her mother. She raised a wrinkled brow to which her mother responded.

“I’ll stay with the girl until we see how things go. I figured it would be easiest here. Haymitch has the most room. And that way, you and Finnick will have...your own space.....”

“She doesn’t want to listen to you two fucking anymore than I do, probably less.” Johanna just couldn’t help herself and both Everdeen women blushed. She grabbed some bags and the two other women followed Haymitch inside, leaving Katniss smiling bewilderedly in the street. Alone.

She walked back to her home. Slowly. Taking in this news and letting it wash over her that the three of them, at least, had worked to put together a team. A caring family for both Annie and Finnick and a chance for him to maybe, just maybe, let go a little.

Katniss reached the house and eyed Mags at the kitchen table, playing with some rope figures she had made. She watched her playing for a minute before easing wistfully up the stairs. She reached the top and paused at her room. Where she always slept. With Mags. She looked down the hallway at the two other rooms: one a sort of library where Finnick had slept and the other a bedroom that had been her mother’s since they returned. Would it be presumptuous for her to assume that Finnick would want to share a room? Should she wait and let him decide? And how might Mags take to that news?

She allowed herself to smile getting lost in the notion that these were good problems to have. She entered her room and pulled her wardrobe open, looking at her options for the day. She ran her fingers over a blue green sheath that Effie had brought her on one of her visits. It hung gently over her frame to just below her knee and it actually made her feel...pretty. It was a feeling she really had very little experience with. Feeling pretty, or wanting to look pretty. But that combined with the fact that it matched Finnick’s eyes as closely as anything man made could...made it the perfect choice. 

She slowly set about getting dressed. Ready to welcome him home, and trying to convince herself she was ready for all that came with it.

Including Annie Cresta. The mad girl from Four whom she had never met.


	7. Chapter 7

It was a cool summer night, and the breeze that blew through Katniss hair and over the skirt that covered her knees as she sat on her porch was almost enough to take her mind off of her racing heart. She had leaned her head against the banister on the railing and closed her eyes, trying to remember and focus on the incredible memories with Finnick and not the terrible ones. She was lost in remembering their morning in the waterfall when the breeze through her hair was replaced by the rumble of the approaching train. It’s whistle blew and shook her from her visions.

Mags came running from Haymitch’s house followed by Johanna who was yelling at her to slow down. Katniss stood slowly and started walking towards the fountain, where - much to Haymitch’s appreciation - they all agreed to meet.

As Katniss passed Peeta’s porch she heard the door open. She walked to the stairs, realizing she had been so lost in her own drama she had all but neglected Peeta since the big celebration. To her surprise he moved through the door without his wheelchair, but the assistance of a large cane. Even though he moved slowly, he moved.

“Peeta! Look at you!” She smiled and clasped her hands together and he grinned shyly at her.

“Your mom has been a big help. Here...can you take this?” Peeta handed Katniss a brown bag as he cautiously closed the door and attempted to move. It was bread. Still warm. “It’s for Finnick and Annie.”

Katniss smiled at him even as her mind immediately swelled with the idea that Peeta still thought there was a ‘Finnick and Annie.’ Maybe there was...

She took his free hand and guided him down the stairs and into the road. They walked arm in arm, slowly, Katniss being sure to ask him every few steps if he was alright.

“You mean right now or in general?” He asked in that boyishly innocent way that only Peeta could.

“I meant right now but I guess I’ll take either answer....”, Katniss replied, unsure that she meant it. And Peeta shrugged. No response. Which in itself was an answer. 

They had reached the fountain and Katniss felt queasy. Both from the upset with Peeta and the overwhelming anxiety about greeting Finnick...and meeting Annie. Mags was climbing and splashing in the water of the fountain, her dress and hair soaked but no one wanted to reprimand her. Haymitch watched and laughed. If he had become a father figure to Katniss he was definitely a grandfather figure to Mags.

“You know I was gonna put a little statue of Finnick up there but she looks pretty good!” Katniss rolled her eyes at him as he spoke, they both watched Mags reach the apex before Johanna whispered...

“There. There they are.”

She pointed into a small crowd that had entered the square from the station. And sure enough. She saw him. Finnick was as poised as ever...a white button down under the straps of several bags, pulling a wheeled trunk with one hand and....Annie with the other. 

Katniss studied her. Mags shouted for him and moved to run but Johanna stopped her, holding her gently...

“Hold on there, tigerfish....”

Everyone held there breath. If Finnick was poised it was for appearances only, because Annie was anything but. She was beautiful to be sure, with long rusty red curls that spilled over her shoulder and flawless skin. She was so small, especially next to him. Her arm was wrapped in his and she shook back and forth next to him. He held her arm tight but her free hand was flailing. She would put her head on his shoulder then lift it, but her eyes were fixed on something on the ground in front of her that none of the rest of them could see. Not far from the gate to Victor’s Village she threw her hands over her ears, causing Finnick to stop...drop his trunk...and turn to her, pull her hands away and calm her with words they couldn’t hear.

“Fuck it all, I wish they would have killed her in that arena. No one wants to live like this.” Johanna, per usual, was crude...and right. The legend of Annie losing her mind after seeing her fellow tribute decapitated was told over and over well before Katniss had any idea who Finnick even was. And she had only gotten worse since.

Katniss noticed Johanna was walking towards them but no one else was moving yet. And something strange happened.

Johanna was...kind. She nodded at Finnick and then gently took Annie by the arm. She protested and latched onto Finnick’s shirt but Johanna managed to separate them and hold her into her side, continuing to walk her towards the group waiting to meet her. Haymitch had moved to help Finnick with his trunk and Katniss smiled weakly as she saw the two men exchange a quick hug.

“You remember me, Annie. It’s Jo. And you are I are gonna be living it up right here. You’re safe. Everyone is here. Everyone is safe. Can you say Jo? Do you remember me, Annie?” Johanna was sweetly whispering to Annie who still just stared straight into the distance.

“Nothing.” Johanna looked at Katniss dejectedly.

Katniss cleared her throat and stepped forward, leaving Peeta to rest on a bench.

“Annie...hello. I’m Katniss. Katniss Everdeen. We’ve never met but I know so much about you and I’m so happy you’re here...” Katniss felt herself earnestly matching Johanna’s tone. But just like with Johanna, nothing elicited a response. She continued even as Finnick approached them to assess the situation, “we think you’ll like it here. Johanna....Jo...has a room for you. This is Peeta....you may remember Haymitch...this is my daughter, Mags....”

The words came too fast for her to think of them, at least she had the sense to say HER daughter and not THEIR daughter.  
But something about the name...Mags. Annie blinked hard several times and it looked like she started to move in Mags’ direction. Her hands were flailing again as they loosened from Johanna’s. Finnick stepped in and held one.

“It’s ok, Annie. You remember I told you about Mags. On the train. This is Mags. And Katniss. Everyone is here to help you, Annie. It’ll be ok now...”

Katniss realized where Johanna had learned her sweet cadence with Annie, because Finnick was using it, too. For the first time since she arrived, Annie’s eyes seemed to focus...on Mags. She even seemed to - smile - as Mags splashed in the fountain.

“C’mon, Red...” Johanna took her gently by the waist and Mrs. Everdeen joined on the other side. They walked her slowly towards Haymitch’s house, with him pulling the trunk of her belongings behind him. Katniss watched as Finnick kept his eyes on them as they took her away. He twisted his mouth and bit the inside of his lip.

There was silence. Was it rude to break it? One person wouldn’t think so. As Katniss watched, Finnick was attacked by the small, sopping wet body of Mags. She launched from the top of the fountain and square onto Finnick’s broad shoulders. He played along encouragingly as she bellowed and fell to his knees under her laughing frame. She wrapped her hands around his head and covered his eyes, squealing. Finnick rolled to the ground and they mock wrestled for a minute until he let her believe she had ‘pinned’ him. 

“You’re back!” She giggled as she pounded gently on his chest.

“I promised, didn’t I?” Finnick smiled up at her even as her wet hair dropped on him. She laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her as he looked up at Katniss...and Peeta...watching them. He gently rocked up lifting them until they were standing. He brushed off his pants and offered Peeta a handshake.

“Peeta...you look well.” Finnick smiled and Katniss hoped she was the only one who sensed his unease. Peeta returned it firmly and smiled back...

“You look pretty rough.” He joked and it made Katniss laugh. Looking rough only made Finnick hotter. They shared a laugh and Finnick ran his hands through his hair shyly.

“Mags, let’s go. I have some cookies I need you to help me ice....” Peeta called to her and offered a hand. And in that moment, as she often was, Katniss was struck by his selflessness.

“Awwwww but I want to....” Mags protested, clinging to Finnick’s leg, so Katniss quickly interrupted.

“You’ll have plenty of time with Finnick. He needs to unpack. And you know what Peeta told you about icing cookies while they are still warm....” Mags face lit up as the idea registered and she took off running. But the old soul in her quickly returned, she turned and moved back to Peeta. Taking his free hand and helping him to walk. He smiled and rustled her hair.

Katniss and Finnick stood alone. 

“Hi...” she whispered as she smiled at him.

“Hi...” he whispered back as he extended his hand, which she immediately took. They walked slowly towards her empty house and made small talk about the train, how Annie had handled it all, the fountain. 

But as soon as they reached the house and the door was shut behind them, Finnick pulled her into his arms and wrapped her so tightly she would have to melt to escape.

But she didn’t want to. Ever.

She closed her eyes tight against the cool fabric of his shirt before her hands started to work independently and unbutton it. She inhaled sharply against his skin as he covered the top of her hair with kisses. She opened her mouth against his collarbone and began to kiss it. Gently at first but it quickly changed to flicking it with her tongue. Nibbling his skin. Sucking pieces of his flesh into her mouth. He moaned against her as his back pressed into the door behind them. They hadn’t made it far.

Finnick’s hands ran over her back, pressing and pulling, and he whispered her name. She felt his arousal rise up between the two of them and she ached to have him inside of her. She pressed herself to him and rocked slowly as his head hung back just enough that her kisses could move up his neck. She was desperate for him. And he was desperate for her. He gently eased her back from him with his hands on her shoulders and smiled at her as she caught her wanting breath.

“What? What’s wrong?” She panted at him and he chuckled at it, brushing her face with his fingers.

“I missed you, too.” He cooed at her, “but we don’t have to rush. Not anymore.” He smiled but she was unimpressed, almost insulted, that he didn’t want her as desperately as she wanted him. She moved back, pouting. 

“Ohhhhhhh, don’t do that to me, Girl On Fire....” he was teasing her but she wasn’t quite ready to play. Not yet. 

She pushed back into him gently, her fingers playing at the collar of his shirt.

“Finnick, I know two things....” she whispered in a hushed voice, even though no one else was around. He wanted to insert a sarcastic comment but with the success of his last one he kept it to himself.

“I know this isn’t going to be easy. I know that the next couple hours and days and weeks we are going to have to...unpack...a lot...and I know it’s going to be hard. And I know you don’t want me apologizing all the time. So let me just do it now for all the ways I’m going to fuck this up.”

Finnick smiled at her playing in her hair at the side of her face as she struggled to maintain eye contact with him and stand her ground, literally and figuratively.

“And the other thing?” He asked her, hoping it wasn’t about to take a turn...already. Although he came prepared for whatever was about to happen. He was determined not to let her unravel him like she had the week before.

“There have been two times in my life that I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t afraid or confused or worried that I couldn’t survive. Because you were there and we were....together...and in those moments I felt this, just...uhhhh I don’t know what I’m trying to say....” her eyes were roaming the room and her hands grew tight on his shoulders in frustration.

“It’s ok,” he calmed her as only he could, “keep trying. I’m listening.”

“When we’re together...making....”

“Making love” Finnick interrupted with the assist knowing she was blushing at the idea of saying it to him.

“Yes. When we’re making love,” she smiled innocently and then her eyes wandered again, but only for a moment, “I know it’s us. I know it’s me...and it’s you...and I know we can handle it. Everything we survived. The things we have seen. I know we can handle them. That’s when I feel it most.”

A few long silent moments passed as her words washed over him and he realized what he already knew...that this wasn’t just about sex or even love. There was something much, much deeper there. He took her head in his hands and she closed her eyes, leaning into his palm and sighing audibly. He leaned away from the door and pressed his forehead to hers.

“And....you need to feel that now....”

His voice was suddenly husky with his desire for her and it pried her eyes from their closed lids as she reached up and undid his top button, biting her lower lip.

“I need to feel that now. Before...we deal with anything else.”

She wanted to add a ‘please.’ She didn’t have to.

As her last words left her lips he was scooping her into his arms. Her green dress pooling around his waist as he carried her across him, her head resting on his shoulder and her fingers still messing at his buttons.

He knew they had obligations back at Haymitch’s house, but feeling her breathing heavy in his arms as he carried her up the stairs, combined with how much he had missed touching her...he knew it wouldn’t take him long to give them both what they needed.

To be together. Just them. In that moment.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *pretty explicit here....*

Every time Katniss and Finnick had been together, it had served a very specific purpose.

The first time, which neither of them wanted to count let alone remember...that had been survival.

The second time, a guiding trust builder.

The third time, which felt like a first time, the realization that they had truly fallen into love together.

And this time was about to solidify them as a team, bonding them as they took on something not even the games could really prepare them for.

And Finnick knew it. 

He pushed the bedroom door open and found Katniss’ bed made neatly. She was panting against his neck, her fingers too shaky to continue at his buttons.

He eased her into the ground and she felt weak on her feet. He ran his hands down her arms and she shivered as they landed on the tie around her waist. He nimbly unknotted it and it fell to the floor. He ran his hands up her sides until they reached the sides of her breasts. Her breath hitched but he continued until his hands were squarely on her shoulders. He looped his fingers under the straps that lay there until they rounded her shoulders. And in one svelte move the entire thing slid down off her body which immediately covered in goosebumps. Finnick’s eyes lowered to her bare chest, which heaved slightly as he took it in. He seemed surprised to find no bra underneath, and even though he didn’t say it...she could tell that was what he was thinking.

“I...didn’t know...how to dress...what you like...” she stammered nervously. Innocently. His frowned as he cupped her breasts gently in his hand, running a thumb over one of her achingly hard nipples.

“You don’t have to dress for me....” he whispered and she immediately felt silly, but she knew he meant it. He ran his hands over the soft curve of her hip until his thumbs twisted into the band of her underwear and he pushed them over her hips, letting his body lower as he did. He knelt before her gently as he kicked her feet free of her already damp underwear. Finnick set about completing the job she had started, unbuttoning his shirt until it was free to slip down over his arms. Katniss smiled when she noticed he was still wearing the necklace from Mags, and it’s hemp rope was worn...he hadn’t ever take it off. 

He held her hips steady in his hands, and kissed her belly gently. In his mind he imagined what it had looked like when she carried Mags. How it hurt him that he hadn’t been there to see it, to feel her. Or help her. But covering it in his kisses somehow felt like an apology to her. Katniss watched him tenderly cover her skin and her hands played in his tragically handsome mop or hair. She twirled it and bunched it, as if each kiss represented a different lock.

Finnick was slowly, carefully, narrowing down her belly to her pelvis and her muscles contracted involuntarily as he did. He raised his eyes only momentarily to read her face (which was a mixture of complete and desperate arousal with just a touch of fear and apprehension.) He dropped his eyes as he moved his hand from her right hip and ran it up the inside of her thigh, slowly easing them apart. 

“Finnick....” she whispered breathlessly and his eyes met hers silently asking if it was ok. But he could feel and smell the slick arousal already covering her thighs and knew she was ready. 

Finnick gently moved his fingers up into her folds and opened her soft, pink flesh...shiny from how wet the thought of him had made her...and found her clit with his forefinger. He massaged her gently and only for a moment before pulling her pussy open...the air from his breath chilling her for only a second before he replaced it with his mouth. She gasped and clenched her hands tight in his hair, trying not to hurt him. He moaned against her and the vibration from his voice made her knees weak. There was nothing primal about it. He was simply...kissing her. Closing and opening his lips on her, softly rolling his tongue over her skin. Every so often a pass over her would include his tongue barely pressing inside of her and then retreating. She was so wet on his mouth that she could hear the sounds his kisses were making and it simultaneously turned her on and embarrassed her.

Finnick eventually rocked back on his heels. Running his tongue over his lips. He face was red and slick with her and it drove her crazy to see him that way.

“I need you to do me a favor....” he asked her from his knees before her. And in that moment she thought that there was nothing this boy could ask her for that she wouldn’t give him. She would chop off her right arm to feel his mouth on her again.

“Of course....” she whispered hardly able to speak and standing on shaky legs.

Finnick stood, almost too slowly and undid his pants, letting them fall from his hips...nothing beneath them. Which seemed more fitting for Finnick than Katniss opting to not wear a bra. His cock was already hard when it sprung free and Katniss but her lip so hard as she eyed it she thought it might bleed. She was still waiting for a directive on the favor he needed.

Finnick ran his hand over her belly as he rounded the edge of the bed and laid down on it. She turned to follow him, curious. He crawled onto the bed and laid on his back. She noticed him wincing a little as he did. He tucked one arm behind his head and took his free hand to his cock, not really stroking it so much as holding it in place.

“My back....” he started, and all at once Katniss was flung into reality: his back. The one he had broken. The one he healed himself in the woods while caring for Annie. The one whose repair in Four took so long he couldn’t return to the Capitol. The one Mags has just climbed on and knocked him to the floor on. Shit, Finnick.

“It’s ok, really,” he continued, seeing her lost in her thoughts, “it might just help me if we try it this way...if that’s ok with you....”

Katniss was slightly nervous, never having tried this particular...position. But something about it turned her on completely. She climbed up over the edge of the bed and crawled over him until she sat on his stomach, his hand on his cock well below her backside. She realized how wet she was and that she was leaving a trail on his stomach. The feel of rubbing herself against his taught tummy made her moan and he encouraged her. She realized immediately what was turning her on.

Being. In. Control. 

Neither of them were all too familiar with being in control or calling their own shots. But in this moment in time: Katniss was in control. Her pussy was throbbing against his stomach now and she could feel that he was stroking himself harder behind her, pulling along her back...and he was wet, too.

“You ready?” She purred down around him and he nodded a slight yes, letting go of himself and adjusting his hands on her hips. She had every intention of taking her time but as soon as she felt the head of his cock start to make it’s way inside of her she lost every semblance of self control. She dropped her body onto his, feet next to his hips, and in one fast move buried him deep inside of her womb. She shouted out in surprise and he hissed and jerked as he threw his head back and rose up into her. It was truly like riding a bucking stallion and she.....loved....it.

She had always felt like sex with Finnick was a series of him penetrating her, but this felt different: she was engulfing him. He turned his head in the pillow as she started to ride him, raising her body off of him and then easing it back down. She was alternating between watching his face in the absolute throws of passion and staring down at her own body as it took in in and let him out repeatedly. Her hands had been clutching fistfuls of sheet but she found his hands and their fingers entwined. They didn’t say another word but locked hands...hard and tight...as Katniss used her body to make him come She tightened and pulled and rocked, finally pushing all the way onto him and rolling her hips with him deep inside. She could see from his reaction that it was what he liked so she did it with every single thrust. 

“I’m gonna come, Katniss....” he was almost crying, fighting to control himself and hang on just a bit longer. She met his words by picking up her pace, slipping up and down as their bodies joining got noisier and noisier.

“I want it in me...now....please.....” her begging voice sent him over the edge and his entire body tightened. He threw his head back and pulled her hands hard until she fell on him. His chest heaved and she collapsed on it as she felt the familiar pulling and tightening deep inside as she came with him. In utter silence. Their bodies pushing and convulsing together endlessly, soaking the sheets below them.

When they had calmed, Katniss all but passed out on Finnick’s chest. They both caught their breath as she felt him ease himself out of her, followed by a slow, sweetly warm trickle and pooled between them.

“We’re gonna have to be careful...” he whispered, still catching his breath.

“What are the odds?” She whispered into his glistening chest as her fingers slid from his to play at it.

“What are the odds of something that shouldn’t have happened once but it did...happening twice? I mean, that would be like being reaped for two Hunger Games.” She couldn’t see him but she could hear him smiling. 

She lifted her head and laced her fingers on his chest, resting her chin on it and looking up at him. He absent mindedly played with the hair wet with sweat on her forehead.

“Does your back hurt you? A lot?” There was so much about him she still had to learn about him. His back, for example, hadn’t crossed her mind she he returned to 12. And he had never mentioned it. Like so many other deep hurts he carried that no one knew. Probably the President of their secret, tortured club.

“Not a lot. But this helped. You alright?” 

Damnit Finnick, in one short sentence deflecting the attention to someone else’s needs and pains. 

“I am.” She whispered. She rolled from him and sat at the edge of the bed, running fingers through her loose hair. He sat up and joined her, feet dangling next to hers, he rested his head on her shoulder and then kissed it.

“Dinner at Haymitch’s tonight.” She mumbled the words, as he nodded into her shoulder before sitting up right. She watched him hop from the bed and slip back into his pants. She eyed him lazily as he pulled them up and fastened them.

“What?” He asked innocently, curiously.

“Aren’t you going to...clean up?” It made Katniss feel sexy to smell him on her and feel him in her, but....dinner with their family...

Finnick shook his head and laughed slightly before sitting back down beside her.

“You wanted to remember that it’s you and me verse the world, right?” He asked her as his hand rested on her thigh. She nodded. He let his finger trail softly between her closed thighs and she tightened them, forbidding him access. She smirked at him. He pushed further until she could feel how wet she still was. From them both.

Finnick leaned in and kissed her earlobe as she immediately let her thighs open for him. His finger ran the length of her still throbbing and slick opening. He hummed softly at it’s feel.

“Maybe this will help you remember. Don’t clean up.”

He kissed her earlobe and pulled his finger from her before slipping it past his own lips, sucking her from it as he lifted up to stand. He turned the corner and left her sitting there, desperate for him. 

“Meet me downstairs in five. We don’t want to be late” he shouted back to her as he descended the stairs. She instinctively cupped her hand between her legs and felt how incredibly wet she still was. The image of him sucking on his finger burned into her mind. He was such a mystery to her. How much of this was Finnick. How much was learned? Practiced? Taught even. 

It triggered such a bizarre combination of jealousy and rage in her that she couldn’t quite understand and wasn’t sure she wanted to.


	9. Chapter 9

When Finnick and Katniss arrived at Haymitch’s they hadn’t even made it to the porch before their shiny bubble of temporary happiness had been punctured.

There were loud voices coming from inside the open windows, one over another so no one could tell who was what. Finnick immediately bounded up the stairs and flung the front door open but Katniss was frozen in her steps on the road. She felt eyes on her and turned to see Peeta, looking down from his own porch next door.

“Is everything ok?” He bellowed honestly, as concerned as she was.

“I don’t know. Do you have Mags?” Katniss needed to know she was safe before she ventured inside to help with...God only knew what.

“I do. We’ll wait and come down when you give us the all clear.” Peeta was already walking back to the door. Katniss turned to face the front door Finnick had left slightly opened and she realized that the sound had stopped. It was silent. 

She tiptoed uneasily up the stairs running her fingers nervously over the braid she had twisted her hair into. She pushed the door open just in time to see Finnick, Annie slung across his body, weeping, ascend the staircase with her. Her heart pounded both with a fear of what was happening and the fact that he had just carried her that same way less than an hour ago.

She eyed Haymitch, Johanna, and her mom standing just off to the side in the foyer of Haymitch’s home, which her mother had obviously been investing some time cleaning and organizing. They stood, a mixture of exhaustion and confusion.

“What happened? We heard her screaming?!” Katniss asked, trying to keep her voice down. 

“Something must have triggered her. Until I know what those things are it will be hard to avoid them...” her mother answered quietly. 

“C’mon,” Haymitch took her arm as she finished speaking, “let’s go finish this thing. I’m not gonna let anything ruin my first ever dinner party. I haven’t had a drink all day.” 

Johanna was watching the stairs. Listening. Before she turned to sideeye Katniss. She gave her a once over and a smirk grew on her face. A combination of teasing and just....unbridled aggression. 

“You stink.” She teased, eyeing Katniss’ crotch, “luckily I don’t think your mom of Haymitch would remember but that smell, but some of us do.” 

Katniss stood stunned. Not sure what to say and imagining there was no actual way she could possibly smell her...or Finnick. Johanna sensed her unease and went in for the kill.

“You know for someone who was forced to fuck and get fucked for so long, he sure gets off on doing it for sport, don’t you think?”

Katniss felt her fists clench. What in the actual fuck. Johanna could be crude, abrasive and downright mean. But this was absolutely intolerable.

“That’s a really fucked up thing to say about him. And I know you know better.” Katniss spat back, matching her in aggression.

“Well it’s true. Makes you wonder how much he reeeeeallly hated it, doesn’t it?” Her eyes grew dark and bore holes right through Katniss. 

Don’t listen. Don’t let her under your skin, she thought. Wondering exactly what Johanna’s end game was. And she should have left it there. She should have.

“Jealousy is not becoming on you, Johanna. I don’t want to have to remind you of that again.”

Katniss rose up the stairs and listened for a hint of where Finnick took Annie. She heard water running in the bathroom and edged towards the door.

There he stood, his arms around her from behind, washing her hands in the sink as she closed her eyes. He felt her presence and turned to her, smiling weakly.

“It’s water. I should have warned your mom. She doesn’t do well with water since the arena....” Finnick turned the water off and used a towel to gently pat her hands down. She opened her eyes. He turned her gently by the shoulder to face Katniss, who smiled back slightly, not sure if it would even register.

“There. Better.” He whispered to her as she walked tucked into the crook of his arm.

Her shrieking had stopped the moment he appeared. He hadn’t exaggerated her need for him. This was going to be hard. 

The three of them walked down the broad staircase, Katniss helping Annie on her free side. Johanna was slinging back a glass of wine at the finely set dining table. As they rounded the foyer, the front door opened revealing Peeta and Mags, smiling broadly and carrying a tray of beautiful cookies. 

“Peeta those look amazing!” Katniss praised him, and they did.

“Your mom sent for us. Everything....ok?” He gently eyed Annie tucked between them and Katniss nodded yes. Mags set the tray down and with no guidance from anyone took Annie by both of her hands. 

“You’re here! I was hoping you’d be here! I like your hair.” Mags reached for her and to the surprise of everyone in the room...none more than Finnick...Annie bent forward, looking directly at her, and offered her the swirl of red curls that fell over her shoulder.

“It’s so beautiful. Curly. Like mine!” She giggled as she played in it, and Annie stared at her intently as her face curved into a....smile.

Finnick and Katniss let go of Annie cautiously and studied her interaction with Mags. Mags sat the cookies on the table and then ran right back to Annie, taking her hand and pulling her to the kitchen. 

“C’mon, Miss Annie I want to show you some things!” Annie followed her dutifully and for a moment every fiber in Finnick’s body tensed as he thought twice about letting her go.

“Hey Mags....” he called after her, “don’t wash your hands, we can get them later....”

Everyone but Katniss stared at him, unsure of this strange command, “it’s water,” he offered, “that’s probably what set her off earlier. Did you try to wash her hands...offer her something to drink?”

Mrs. Everdeen studied his words and nodded yes. “Both.” She answered.

“She’s funny about water now. Ironic. I know.” He answered, and Katniss’ mother grinned, glad to be able to a voice that pitfall again. Suddenly realizing that nearly drowning and watching as everyone else did could probably do that to a person.

“The mad girl from four who can’t stand water? God damnit Finnick, why don’t you just put her out of her misery?” Johanna talked too loudly from the table she already sat at, drinking.

“What is wrong with you tonight?” Katniss shot back, not knowing what the problem was but even for Johanna, this was...a lot.

Johanna had been coming to 12 ever since they took the Capitol. They had become friends, family even, but something was very different about her. If it was slightly different at the celebration...it was drastically different now. And Katniss was determined to get to the bottom of it.

“Is there something you need to say?” Katniss tried to keep her voice friendly and conversational.

“I don’t know that this is the time...” Finnick offered, eyeing Mags and Annie in the kitchen just a few feet away.

“Oh that’s right. Finnick is here to save the day. I almost forgot. Thanks for stopping me before I did something stupid. You know, like getting my family killed.” Her seemingly sarcastic response quickly turned in to something much, much darker.

“Johanna, I really think maybe we need to not do this right now,” Haymitch offered, walking towards the table trying to diffuse her. Katniss was grateful for the help but between his response and Finnick’s...it was clear they know more about what was going on than she did. And she hated it.

“Maybe dinner was a bad idea...” Peeta whispered, everyone fighting to keep things from escalating. Peeta touched Katniss lightly on the arm. She was glad to have him there. And amazed that all of the sudden for all that he was...he was the least complicated relationship she had.

“That’s too bad, you know, I was really looking forward to Haymitch’s bad cooking and catching up with everyone. I mean of course until Katniss and Odair walked in here smelling like a whorehouse and I lost my fucking appetite.” Johanna had slammed her glass down and stood. And succeeded in gushing every single person in the room.

“Yeah, I think no more wine is the right call....”, Haymitch reached for her glass and she laughed as she rounded the table. She stood directly in front of Katniss, Finnick and Peeta frozen at her sides, flanking her. 

“Pretty Katniss Everdeen. I heard about the Capitol. How they wanted to make you their pretty little whore just like your boyfriend here....” Johanna was on fire and Katniss could smell the alcohol on her stinging breath. She cornered her. But Katniss couldn’t find the words to launch back. How did Johanna know? She watched her look at Finnick out of the corner of her eye. His face was equally stunned. He stared at her blankly but there was heat in his eyes. His jaw clenched. Repeatedly.

Johanna’s face changed instantaneously. Her mouth dropped open and eyebrows lifted like she was in shock.

“Oh God. Oh, Finnick, I’m so sorry. You....you didn’t tell her. Oh I feel just awful now.” Her voice dripped with mock apology and then she curved her lips into a smile. And he just stood there. Stoic. Katniss was silently begging him to say something so she wouldn’t have to. Had she...had they...she felt like she could pass out. Johanna leaned into her ear and continued her assault.

“Careful, Princess. He’s an expert at keeping secrets.” She winked cruely.

“Go to hell.” Katniss spit between gritted teeth and felt sick at the onslaught. Johanna laughed. A high cackle as she threw her arms into the air.

“Fuck, Katniss! Hell? I’m already here!” She marched up the stairs, almost missing the first one. Leaving the five of them standing in the entryway, unsure of what to do or say. 

And then, like dominoes, they all fell into whatever pattern of coping they could manage.

Mrs. Everdeen turned with a whisper that she would get Annie some dinner in the kitchen.

Peeta held Katniss’ hand tight and squeezed it, “it’s ok, Katniss. I’ll take Mags. She’s....drunk....she doesn’t know what she’s saying.” Peeta tried to reassure her and then hobbled towards the back after her mom to collect Mags.

Haymitch poured a drink, “I dunno sweetheart. I know drunk, that was...something else.” He took a shot of clear booze and immediately refilled his glass.

Katniss’ eyes were too confused to cry, she felt like Annie. Unable to focus. She had been holding Finnick’s arm and it just hung limp at her side. She turned to look at him.

He slipped his arm from hers and turned, without looking at her, and left. Right out the front door. No words, just left. Gently closed the door behind him, not even the courtesy to slam it out of anger like she would. 

Katniss stood, alone, in the entryway. Wondering which battle she was going to have the energy to fight first. As she watched Peeta take Mags out the back door she suddenly recalled and almost longed for the stress of the arena. At least in there...she knew who the real enemy was.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *flashback for Finnick and Johanna and it’s suuuper dark....*obvi*.... then we catch back up.*
> 
> Thanks for indulging this little side trip. There may be more, not sure yet how many to share!

When Johanna Mason revealed herself to be a savage killer in the final act of the 71st Hunger Games, two things happened. She became a sought after Victor, and she pissed of President Snow. Being tricked into letting the wrong victor live did not sit well with him. 

And it wouldn’t be long before Johanna was added to the long list of Victor’s who weren’t really Victor’s at all. 

They were prisoners. Of the worst kind.

So on her second night in the Capitol following her Victory Tour...where she intrigued the whole of Panem with her wicked ascerbicness and her fierce attitude...she found herself being summoned to a private chamber in the President’s mansion. Assuming the worst, since she was as bright as she was lethal, she wondered if maybe they weren’t killing her for some slip up she had made on the trail.

And even when she opened the door to the dankly appointed room - plush carpet, velvet couches, chandeliers - and saw Finnick and Cashmere standing there, she was sure the former Victor’s had been invited to watch her murder. The room was walled with large, no jumbo, television screens. They were everywhere. Broadcast it to all Panem, she thought. 

The Peacekeepers that brought her to the room shut the door behind her and the three Victors, who weren’t strangers but also weren’t friends, were left alone. But not alone, Johanna knew that.

Cashmere broke the silence first, lifting her a drink from the bar she stood by. She was dressed but barely, in a white gold slip dress that only just cleared her hips. 

“I’m not fucking drinking that, are you kidding me?” Johanna pushed the glass away and scanned the room.

“It might...help....” Cashmere offered, holding it to her again. 

Finnick nodded in agreement and for some reason Johanna trusted him. She rolled her eyes and took it, slamming it’s entirety.

“There. Happy? I guess if it’s poison I hope I go quick.”

Finnick tried to force a smile as a gentle alarm chimed.

“Five minutes...” Cashmere whispered to him and he nodded, eyeing the door.

“Til what?” Johanna asked, incredulously. She folded her arms and waited for an answer.

“Til you start your new job.” Cashmere answered blankly, all business. And she sat her own drink down.

“Job? They literally just threw thousands and thousands of dollars at me. I’m not working anymore. Like, ever.” Johanna chortled of the remark. Finnick’s face grew dim as he and Cashmere shared a sad, knowing look. 

“Look, this isn’t easy to explain and I wish I didn’t have to...” Finnick chose his words carefully, knowing Snow was watching their every move, “but people in the Capitol, for some reason I can’t quite understand, like you. They are fascinated by you. And they...want to spend time with you.”

Johanna’s eyebrows raised as he danced around what he was really trying to tell her.

“Snow is going to sell you to them for his profit. Your time. Your body. And you don’t have a choice.” Cashmere cut to the chase and wasted no time. Finnick thought maybe that was best...to hear it from her. 

“What the fuck? No. I won. I have a choice. I’m not...some....whore.” She gestured at Cashmere, clearly commenting on her ensemble. She started to study the room, desperate for a way to leave it.

“Johanna listen to me. If you don’t....”

Finnick’s voice was hushed and desperate to tell her why she had no choice, but no sooner had he spoke...the door opened to reveal President Snow. Flanked by two silent peacekeepers.

“Miss Mason, I cannot tell your how excited I am to have you joining us tonight. I trust that your fellow Victor’s have given you some insight into how very valuable you have become in your new found fame.”

Snow’s voice was the stuff of nightmares to the three former Tribute’s trapped in his lair. Cashmere shuddered at it, no doubt recalling when she had been in Johanna’s shoes. Or maybe the time Finnick had, and she had been in his.

Johanna turned on Snow and spit. It landed hard and fast on his cheek, just below his eye, and he let it hang there...sneering at her for a minute before using a handkerchief to wipe it. Finnick had made a lunge for her, taking her by the arms and restraining her, pulling her into his chest and away from Snow even as she forced a laugh.

“Maybe they weren’t clear...” he smiled at her as suddenly the screens illuminated in the room. A giant screen labeled District 1. A giant screen labeled District 4. And a giant screen labeled...District 7. Johanna stopped as she recognized the square at the center of her town.

“Give me Gloss on one, please...” Snow sneered into his lapel and within seconds the District One footage shifted to Cashmere’s brother, Gloss, who was in a kitchen of sorts with two older people. Their parents.

“And I need Annie Cresta in Four, please....” he snarled again and Finnick dropped his head, fighting not to look until he finally lifted his eyes to see Annie sitting on a dock, tying fishing lures with Mags.

“Perfect. And the Mason cabin in Seven.” 

The District 7 footage shifted and showed Johanna’s family asleep inside their home. It was a startling concept to think not only had her own home been bugged, but he had immediate access to her family. To all of their families. 

Snow snapped to the Peacekeeper to his right and sat as the taller of the two men grabbed him a drink. The other one began to undress, although none of them spoke. 

Finnick still had Johanna by the arms and he slowly buried his head in her neck, kissing her. She writhed to moved from him but he held her so hard she was sure his hands would leave imprints.

“Please just try to relax...” he whispered to her and there was nothing sexy about it, it was more like a pleading. Bordering on a command but still a sort of a beg. She swiveled her neck to create space and he accepted it, still holding her arms tight, but now kissing Cashmere who had moved up to his other side and was pawing at him like her life depended on getting him off.

It did.

“What the hell is wrong with you people?” Johanna hissed and growled like a caged animal. Snow just rocked in his chair and sipped his drink as his playthings antagonized each other...including the shirtless peacekeeper who was approaching Johanna with a long rod. Full of electric shock.

Finnick tugged her back into his chest - hard - trying to make it look like it was to get her closer to him and not further from the Peacekeeper who was probably more excited to shock her than he was to fuck her. 

“It’s ok....” Cashmere whispered, as Finnick moaned louder to cover her voice, “please just do as as we say. It’ll be over sooner that way.” 

Suddenly Johanna screamed in his grasp. A blood curdling, bone rattling scream as her body seized and then fell to the floor. Finnick grit his teeth as the man who had just tazed her forcefully from behind grinned. 

“Perfect.” Snow seethed knowing on her knees in front of Finnick is where he had wanted her all along. Finnick let his eyes wander to the screen holding images of District Four: Annie and Mags hard at work, fishing to feed not only themselves but the others who weren’t as lucky to live in the Victor’s Village.

Lucky. That’s what they were. 

He closed his eyes tight and then fixed them on Johanna. She was still convulsing but fighting hard to regain control. She had her hands on his thighs to steady herself as Finnick began to undo his pants, leaving them up but open...desperate to just have the whole thing over with. Hopeful that at some point in the future he would find a way to make this all make sense to her. The way Cashmere has done after she...well...introduced him to his new way of life.

“Take him in your mouth...” Cashmere purred her order as she ground herself against Finnick’s now bare hip, “show us how good you are....”

Finnick had a hold on himself and was silently grateful that they always gave him something to force an erection because there was no way he would be able to talk himself into one. Not like this. Johanna just shrieked wildly and refused, turning her head away even as both Finnick and Cashmere grabbed it and tried to coerce her.

“Finnick....I’m disappointed....” Snow scowled, “can we get someone down to that dock to check on our friends in Four please?” He held his lapel and sneered at Finnick who immediately responded: jerking Johanna’s head by the back of her hair and shouting at her.

“Do it!” He yelled as he all but forced himself passed her lips. 

And she bit down. Hard. Finnick tried to take it at first, letting her work out some part of that aggression, but when he became sure she was about to rip his flesh, he pulled back with a muffled scream. Johanna in one swift movement kicked Finnick square in his exposed groin, doubling him over...scrambled to her feet and hit Cashmere with a punch that more than likely broke her nose, and caught the unsuspecting Peacekeeper so off guard that she was able to grab his rod and shock him reeling into a convulsion that rendered him unconscious.

She stood breathless and terrified like she was back in the arena, surrounded by moaning bodies, and Snow clapped slowly.

“Now there is the fighter I knew you were. It really is too bad though, you will be disappointing so..so many people.” He offered a ‘tsk tsk’ under his breath as he whispered into his lapel and suddenly all of the screens were broadcasting from District 7.

“President Snow,” Finnick was struggling to talk through the pain in his stomach, “I just need more time with her...please...”

He was begging and Johanna didn’t even know what for.

Suddenly on the footage from her town, Peacekeepers descended on her family’s cabin. They bolted the doors from the outside. They began pouring liquid around the outside of her home. Johanna watched helplessly as they lit the cabin on fire, trapping and killing everyone inside. 

Her. Entire. Family.

Johanna sunk to the floor and tried to scream but no sound came. Her arms seized so hard she rocked back and forth and dropped the electric rod. Snow tossed a white rose at her as he moved to leave the room, wordless until he reached the guard at the door, “send her home. It will be worse than killing her now. Send 7 a message. And take care of that...” he gestured at the other Peacekeeper, still unconscious.

Snow left without another glance, and the man laying on the floor was all but drug out. Cashmere gathered up some belongings and followed.

“Are you coming?” She called back to Finnick, her voice cold and shallow, not a hint of apology or concern. When Finnick was silent she left him there as well.

Johanna was in a trance, screaming silently as the room glowed with the fire that was billowing from her former home as it filled every screen on the wall. Finnick stood slowly trying to regain his balance and figure out a way to shut them off. When the room went dark, Johanna sat in the middle of it sobbing. Her voice still too horrified and terrified to make a sound. Finnick gently knelt by her, equally shook by what he had seen and having no idea on earth how he could possibly help her.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. She couldn’t move to acknowledge him, she just writhed, a prisoner in her own body, unsure of how to even process what she had just seen. What had just happened. Finnick stood and left her, pulling a length of rope from his pocket that he had fastened a large knot into, and leaving it by her side.

__________________________________

Finnick was aimlessly walking towards the fountain when Katniss left to look for him. It was like he was in a trance, just barely walking, no speed. No emotion. He rested his hands on the fountain’s wet lip as Katniss reached him and stood next to him.

“Hi...” she whispered, trying desperately to wrap her mind around things.

He was silent. He didn’t respond as he always had. He didn’t turn to face her. He didn’t even register the sound of her voice. She waited a second and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I said...hi.” She was louder now and waited for a response. Any response. He finally turned to face her if only slightly, “look I can handle this. All of it. Whatever it is that you’re not telling me. But not by myself. We’re a team. Remember? You cannot shut me out Finnick, I can’t do this if you shut me out...”

As she spoke her voice broke and it forced him to raise his eyes to hers. 

“Is it true? Did you...were you with Johanna?” She asked pointedly but without a hint of accusation. He was quiet for awhile and she could see him searching for words that would work.

“No. Not...exactly....no.”

Katniss closed her eyes for a moment, trying to make sense of his answer. She fought the urge to get angry because she wasn’t sure who or what to be angry at.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked quietly, unsure if she really felt like that was an honest request. 

“I didn’t...I didn’t think it would have come out this way. I wanted to tell you. But...it’s...it’s complicated. I don’t want you to know...not everything. What’s the point?” Finnick’s voice was so dejected it was nearly unrecognizable. It unsettled her.

“The point? The point is I don’t want to hear these things from Johanna. The point is you need to know that no matter what it is it won’t change how I feel about you. The point is you’re going to have to let me in. You’re going to have to learn to let me take care of you for a change. Or this...doesn’t....work.”

He was studying her as she spoke, wanting to trust her words but unsure if he could - or should.

“Ok.” He whispered, his voice painfully sad and exhausted, “Johanna hates me. She blames me.”

“For what?” Katniss asked, not wanting to push but needing to get inside of him.

“For killing her family.” His voice was expressionless again, like he was in a dream, she could see his eyes looking in the distance as if he were watching it, staring so intently that she had to look, too, to make sure nothing was there.

“You didn’t kill her family. Snow did. The Capitol did. We all saw it.” Katniss spoke gently trying to reassure him that this, none of this, was his fault.

“I hurt her. I hurt you. Annie....” Finnick was slowly spiraling into a dark place. She hadn’t seen him with this little control and she wasn’t going to lose him. 

“You didn’t hurt me. You saved me.” She gently cupped his face as she spoke, “and because you did there is a pretty magical girl next door who is waiting for us. What do you say we go get her....”

Katniss hoped that seeing Mags, maybe even the mention of her, would help bring him around. But she had a feeling in that moment, when it seemed to not phase him...that she would be relying heavily on Johanna Mason to help with this one. 

And the thought sickened her. 

She knew they would be climbing uphill to make things work in District 12. To be together. To stay together. 

But this was not at all how she had envisioned the battle going.


	11. Chapter 11

By the time they had walked to get Mags she was fast asleep, covered in the remnants of the cookie tray she had inhaled for dinner, on Peeta’s couch. He insisted that she stay there and he would bring her by in the morning. 

Peeta. Who could be so hurt by all of this. No, who had to be so hurt by all of this....helped Katniss anyway. She all at once loved and hated him for it. 

But now she was sitting awake in bed. Stroking Finnick’s hair as she watched him sleep in her lap. He was peaceful but his brow was taut. Like her, a truly peaceful night’s rest was much easier said than done. 

Johanna’s words replayed over and over in her mind and they plagued her. Why had it been so hard? Why had it come from nowhere? And Finnick said he hadn’t been with her...what was the truth? Why was she hell bent on hurting him? 

Katniss watched him sleep and wanted to wake him so badly her fingers tingled. To be honest with herself she wanted him to make love to her. To lose himself with her. She hated that the thing she wanted from him...to help calm the fears she had...was the very thing at the center of so many of the issues she was trying to break through. She felt her heart pound and her mind race with it all.

“I love you.” She whispered in the air above him, just to say it out loud. It was silent until a quiet whisper floated back up at her and she realized his eyes were open.

“Why?” He asked groggily. Turning his head on her lap to face her.

“There are a million reasons. You want the whole list or just the top five.” She answered quickly and lightly. Smiling at him as she brushed the hair from his forehead. He closed his eyes gently to her touch.

“I was supposed to help Johanna...do what I had to do. Snow wanted to recruit her. I couldn’t do it. He killed her family. Right in front of her. In front of us. I couldn’t stop it.” His words poured out of his mouth as though they had been trapped there for years. They had. She nodded along slowly and let him speak, his words washing over her and chilling her all at once.

“Ok...” was all she offered. Her voice shook even though she silently willed herself to be strong for him.

“I didn’t fuck her. But I would have. Maybe I should have. I don’t know. What’s worse? Her family is gone. Annie is still here. Because of what I did. But I don’t know what’s worse sometimes.”

His words and thoughts were just pouring out of him and Katniss fought to hold on to them. She shook as she guided his head off of her lap and slid down into the bed until she was next to him. They lay side by side, face to face. She gently fingered Mags’ necklace against his collarbone. He studied her face.

“Ok....” she whispered again.

“Ok?,” he repeated to her, “that’s all?”

“And that I love you. So much.” Katniss felt a tear fall from the corner of her eye and roll onto her pillow.

“I love you, too. So much.” Finnick whispered against her mouth as he pressed his forehead to hers. “I’m so....”

Katniss quickly closed her lips over his, hushing him.

“No more apologies. Remember?” 

He nodded in compliance and let her kiss him again. Their lips met softly and warmly several times as they twisted their bodies together. A mess of arms and legs and lips, until they fell asleep. 

Katniss eased off first, her head buzzing with the words she had been longing to hear from him since the night he first made love to her in the Capitol. 

He loved her. 

Finnick. Loved her. That was what mattered.

And suddenly the other things seemed to just melt away. Even if only for a night.


	12. Chapter 12

Katniss woke up to the cool morning air blowing her gauzy curtains through her window and the warmth of Finnick against her back. His arm slung over her hip, his breath hot in her hair. Occasionally he would make a soft sigh or squeak and she fought the urge to chuckle at the adorableness of it all. She nested her body back into his and closed her eyes, not wanting to wake up just yet. She grinned realizing they were still fully clothed from the night before as they had no real intention of collapsing into bed like they did. But, the complexity of their lives had exhausted them.

She felt his hand move against her stomach and then relax and wondered if he was in the same half awake state that she was. She spun her body under the weight of his arm and, pulling her hands up to her chest, cocooned against him still, but watching him sleep. A broad smile filled her face as she noticed that not only was his mouth hanging open with noise but a small trickle of drool was escaping it’s corner and pooling on the pillow.

Finnick Odair, the darling playboy, snores and drools. She felt her chest hitch with a laugh at the thought of this being the picture they used to introduce him in the games. What a different image that would have been for him.

His mouth curved into a smile before he opened his eyes, and she felt his arm tighten on her as his body extended into a long stretch accompanied by a low growl and his prying one eye open to look at her.

“Hi....” he whispered through the sleep still in his chest.

“Hi...” she toyed at his incredibly messy hair which could keep her entertained for hours, she thought.

“It’s early. How’d you sleep?” He asked as he closed his hand over her back, pulling her into him. She nuzzled into his chest, placing a few small kisses on it as she did.

“Really well,” she responded, not needing to ask him since she was sure he was in a coma-like rest as evidenced by his damp pillow, “thank you for last night.”

Finnick arched an eyebrow and looked down at her as she raised her face to him, knowing her comment would confuse him. She smiled lazily and closed her hands over his chest.

“Last night was a nightmare...” he was incredulous and even though he wasn’t wrong, she was relieved at the levity in his voice. He used the word nightmare the way you might use it about someone’s horrible singing, or food that was awful. Not an actual nightmare, which...Katniss knew...was exactly what it was.

“Maybe. But you let me inside of it. So I wasn’t stuck out here...and you weren’t stuck...in there.”

Her voice was soft and compassionate, one neither of them knew she had. She sounded like her mother. Or Cinna. The people who had showed her what true compassion should look like. Finnick bit his lip and it curved slightly. He arched his back and leaned his head away from her, groaning as he stretched again...it was an annoyed and painful groan and it made her laugh audibly.

“What’s that for?” She asked through a giggle that made her feel and sound fourteen. His face was aimed towards the headboard, his neck exposed to her, as he replied.

“I want to kiss you so bad but my breath is so awful I can taste it.” He laughed slightly as he said it, his voice still cracking and low as he slowly pulled all the way from sleep.

She watched him stretch again in wonder: last night he had asked her to go to a dinner party with the smell of their sex still covering her...and now he was embarrassed to kiss her with morning breath. She was starting to find the bits and pieces of Finnick that were real. Untouched. Unaltered. Unharmed. In her mind she was compiling two files...two versions...and allowing herself to love them both in the hopes that he would learn to as well.

“Odair, if I’m going to love you I’m going to have to do it no matter what you smell like. I promise I have tasted worse.” 

He grinned at her, blinking his eyes shut in another long stretch and she matched it. Together their bodies stretched long...skin and bones pulling...and then shrunk back into a cool and comfortable ball in the center of the bed as he let his mouth find hers and close over it gently.

“Oh God, that’s disgusting...” she pulled from him and pushed his chest back in faux disgust at his not-bad-at-all breath. His eyes widened for a moment and she gently punched his chest before closing back in on him, rolling him onto his back until her body covered his. She kissed him...gentle at first and then gradually growing more and more intense. Less friendly and more intimate. He moaned against her as she let her tongue open his lips and rest inside. His arms tightened around her waist and he gently, almost unnoticeably, raised his hips against her in time with her probing kisses. Her arms framed his face, playing at the top of his head. She heard the sound of her name and hummed at it.

Until she realized it was coming from the bottom of her stairs.

“Katniss? You up?” It was Peeta. And he was in the house. There were footsteps up the stairs, much to fast for Peeta with his cane. Katniss pulled from Finnick and laughed at the look of almost panic on his face. They heard Mags bounding up the stairs, absentmindedly singing to herself as Peeta shouted for her to wait. 

Did he know? Could he guess?

Katniss rolled off of Finnick, relieved in that moment that they had fallen asleep fully clothed because in no time at all, Mags had flung the door open and was bounding towards them on the bed.

“A sleepover?!” She yelled as she jumped in between them and they both laughed and bounced on the bed as she flipped around with giddy excitement that they wished they could harness.

Finnick managed to roll out of bed to safety first as Mags giggled and dove under the covers. Katniss tickled and teased at her for a minute longer.

“I’ll be right down, Peeta!” She called to him and he answered, but words they couldn’t quite hear. She ran her fingers through her hair and tried to straighten the dress she had fallen asleep in, but it was pretty useless. She smiled at Finnick across the bed, doing the same. Although his simple shirt and pants had fared better after a night’s sleep. 

“I’ll go talk to Peeta. Thank him. And I’m sure he is full of questions...” she rolled her eyes at the thought and braced herself for an interview.

Finnick heaved a heavy sigh, and she thought maybe it was at the idea of her talking to Peeta until he opened his mouth to speak.

“I’m going to go try to talk to Johanna. See if I can make this right.”

Katniss bristled immediately. 

“No.”

She stopped him before she knew he was done speaking and it took him aback. He turned his head slightly and cocked it as if to ask why.

“I want to go, too.”

“I don’t know that that’s a good idea, Katniss.” He tried to soothe her, even as Mags moved in the bed between them, and he knew this wasn’t a discussion they could currently argue their way through. He couldn’t even tell why it unnerved him. Was it that Johanna might feel cornered? Or that he knew Johanna had the power to unleash more of a maelstrom if she wanted....

“Finnick, please. No more secrets.”

He stared at her for a moment and took in the urgency of her plea before nodding slightly.

As if on cue, Mags emerged from the covers and laughed. 

“I want to come, too!” She shouted at Finnick, imitating her mother, and it all at once charmed and frightened him. He bent over to scoop her into his arms and hiked her with just one of them until she rested on his hip at his side.

He winked at Katniss and smiled faintly.

“I hope Peeta brought some breakfast....” she giggled at him as he spoke, and he turned to head down the stairs with her. Still uneasy around Peeta but their mutual affection for Mags bonded them and helped to calm their interactions.

Katniss quickly changed into something plainer...and cleaner...hurriedly washed her face and mouth before staring at her reflection in the mirror.

She tried to see herself as she imagined Johanna might now. A threat. And suddenly she knew that breaking down walls with Finnick was going to include a giant one that had been built up with years of strength and grit and hate...by Johanna Mason. The girl who, as much as it hurt, was starting to make more and more sense to her.


	13. Chapter 13

The three of them sat through breakfast relatively quietly. Mags inhaled the bread and butter on the table while Finnick and Katniss watched her, chuckling to themselves as they drank coffee...occasionally making time to look at each other across the table. 

Finnick finally pulled at the plate until she couldn’t reach it, keeping her from continuing to pull chunks from the loaf. 

“You’re gonna get sick if you keep eating like that....” he teased her before lifting his finger to his mouth and pretending to need to vomit. Katniss kicked him under the table which only encouraged him to make actually hurling and gagging sounds. The louder he got the harder Mags laughed and the more Katniss fought her own laughter as she kicked him. Soon enough Mags was pretending to vomit, hurling herself from side to side while hanging her tongue out and making loud “blllllllleeeeeeeeggghhhhh” sounds between chortles.

They were outnumbering her. Katniss sat her coffee cup down in defeat and stood behind Mags, pulling at her hair until she could twist it into a braid.

“What will we do today?” She asked as she winced at having her hair pulled.

“What do you want to do today?” Finnick answered before taking a final sip of coffee. Her green eyes lit up at the question and she gasped...

“WATERFALL. Mommy says you’ll teach me to fish!”

“You don’t know how to fish?!”, he teased her, leaning back in his chair, “wow, that’s pretty sad. I guess I can help you, yeah.” 

She all but lept from her chair until she was standing and dancing, pumping her fists. Katniss laughed and wrapped her arms around her.

“Go wash your face and get shoes. We are going to go to Haymitch’s here in a minute....”

Mags was already running up the stairs even as Katniss finished instructing her. Finnick winced. 

“What?” Katniss asked cautiously.

“Mags knows she can’t just throw the word fuck around right? I think she might be about to hear it a lot....”

He was trying to make light, and it turned out she may be hearing it sooner than later. There was a knock at the door. Katniss assumed maybe Peeta had left something behind but as she flung it open she was surprised to see...Johanna.

And Haymitch.

Johanna looked like a shell of herself. No attitude, no fierce greeting. Hell even the fact that she knocked was unlike her. Haymitch stood by her side watching her, waiting for her to speak. As did Katniss. It was he who broke the silence, clapping his hands together with uneasy glee.

“Well, good morning sweetheart. I just came to see if maybe Mags might want to take a walk....”

Haymitch was behind Johanna, wiggling his brows gently in case Katniss wasn’t picking up what he was laying down. But she was. She inhaled and responded in kind.

“She would love that. How nice of you to offer.” She smiled gently at Haymitch before eyeing Johanna who still stood sheepishly on the porch, twisting her hands and staring at the ground. Katniss called for Mags who flew down the steps making strange airplane noises and brushing right past the crowd at the door, almost knocking Haymitch off of his feet. 

“Be good!” Katniss yelled as Haymitch turned to follow the bouncing sprite of a child and he yelled back....

“Her or me!?” 

“Both!” She laughed watching him struggle to catch up with her. Then her eyes fell on Johanna who had managed to look at her now that they were alone. 

“Is he here? Finnick?” She whispered uneasily. 

Finnick had already appeared in the hallway behind Katniss and Johanna caught his form in her view just after she asked. Katniss opened the door and stepped back inviting her in.

Everything about her seemed different. Her gaze, her posture, her voice. Even her ponytailed hair. She twisted her fingers anxiously as she walked into the living room at the front of the house and studied pictures on the mantle: Mags, Katniss’ father, Prim. She ran her fingers over the top of the fireplace. Finnick entered the room and stood directly next to Katniss, taking her hand in his.

“They never let us go...they take everything we love and they still never let us go...” Johanna whispered under her breath, and neither Katniss nor Finnick knew if she meant for them to hear. She turned to them and fixed her stance. Standing assuredly as though she was about to give a presentation. 

“Look. I’m sorry. Alright? There’s no other way to say it. I fucked up and I’m sorry.”

Katniss wasn’t sure who should respond, so with a gentle squeeze of Finnick’s hand she let him know that maybe it should be him. He cleared his throat softly.

“No one is apologizing for things out of their control anymore. Alright?”

She watched him as he talked, and his voice sounded the way it did when he tried to calm Annie. Johanna almost looked like his words could make him cry.

“No, last night was in my control and I blew it. The shit I said....”, she looked from Finnick for Katniss, “I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry.”

Katniss still had her hand in Finnick’s and she realized he was squeezing it so tight it shook gently.

“Apology accepted.” Katniss’ voice was a slow burn. Accepting an apology sure, but still craving an explanation that suited her. 

“There’s some shit I need to say. And I need to say it now before I can’t anymore. So....just...hear me out...”

Finnick could feel his heart pounding in his chest as if she held it in her hand, and the way he was clasping at Katniss’ hand let her know he was anxiously awaiting whatever it was that she ‘needed to say.’ Katniss closed the space between him, stepping into his side even as Johanna watched.

“Look for years I hated you. I wanted to kill you. I dreamt...about killing you. Even when you’d try to help me, to be kind to me, whatever it is that you do to people, I hated you for it. Because your family got to live because you were stronger than me. Annie is here now because you were stronger than me. I told myself that if you had just fucking told me they were going to kill them I would have been stronger. But I know I wouldn’t have. I knew what they would do. I wasn’t strong enough. You were. And I hated you for it.”

Her eyes bore holes through Finnick as she stood her firm ground, eyes brimming with tears. Hands shaking at her sides. Katniss could feel Finnick’s hand tremble in hers but he remained silent and still.

“And you know what the shitty part is Odair? It wasn’t until Mags died that I realized that it didn’t matter how strong you were. They used you. For years. And then they killed her anyway. They would have killed you if we hadn’t broke out of the Quarter Quell. All the things they made you do and they were going to kill you anyway....”

Katniss turned to watch Finnick as he let the words wash over him. 

“I think for the longest time I hated you for trying to save me because I wished I was dead. And then, when I saw you at Katniss and Peeta’s Victory Tour I knew you wished you were dead, too. Remember? And for what? You let them do those things to save Annie and she is already gone. All of us. Gone. So you see? They never let us go. They took everything from us and look at what’s left....”

Johanna was talking in circles and Katniss was sure she was about to pass out from the look of her. Finnick’s palm sweat in hers and she studied his face. Sad. Withdrawn. Defeated. She squeezed his hand quickly a few times to try to bounce him back. His eyes were studying Johanna. There was something going unsaid.

Finnick broke free from Katniss as he watched Johanna raise her hands to her ears to tuck stray pieces of hair anxiously. She wiped her nose along her sleeve and stifled a sniffle. Finnick approached her slowly. The way someone might corner a stray dog. She seemed to jerk as he closed in on her.

“Don’t...” she protested. Holding up a hand in his direction. But he proceeded, taking her hand in his and then folding his arms around her back. She wept as soon as he did. A raw, ugly cry that she knew would be unleashed under his touch, hence her protest. The truth was Johanna couldn’t remember the last time someone showed her affection, much less hugged her. She cried into his shoulder as he held her so tightly moving from him was not an option. Katniss noticed him inching his hand up the arm he was holding. She held her breath. What exactly was he doing? And why?!

As she cried, Finnick pressed Johanna’s sleeve up past her elbow and then pushed his fingers gingerly back down to her wrist, turning it to face him. He looked down and studied it as she tried to recoil but it was too late. Katniss saw it, too.

Track marks. And not just a couple. Deep and purple and angry.

“How long?” Finnick whispered, realizing he had just found evidence that Johanna had been strung out on morphing...the drug of choice for lots of tributes trying to dull the pain of survival.

“Off and on....since the Capitol....”

She whispered, ashamed, through her slowly ebbing tears.

“My mom, she can help you, she’s done it before.” Katniss offered and Johanna interrupted.

“Yeah yeah I know. It was kinda part of the fucking arrangement if I came to this hell hole.”

There she was. Johanna was back. Just like that. 

“Let’s sit you down....” Finnick tried to move her to the couch but she bristled, pulling from his grasp.

“Want to just sing camp fire songs while we are at it? Look I wanted to apologize. I did. Ok?”

Neither of them knew how to respond. Finnick looked at her and nodded a yes. Katniss did the same. And just like that Johanna buzzed from the room. Barely making eye contact as she brushed passed Katniss with a whispered “I’m sorry.” And then she was gone. Katniss watched her through the door, slowly kicking up dust as she made her way back to the home she was now calling hers.

Katniss turned back in time to see Finnick sinking into the couch, his elbows on his knees.hands clasped between them.

“You ok?” She asked as she sat next to him.

He shrugged.

“Do you think she is right? Are we gone? Unsavable?”

“No. I don’t. Maybe I did. But I don’t now,” Katniss rested her hand on his thigh trying to soothe him, seeing his eyes glass over as he mulled Johanna’s words over in his mind. She thought of the track marks. About how everything she knew about a morphling addiction pointed squarely to Johanna’s behavior. Finnick must have known too because he went straight for her arm. Like he had seen it before.

“Have you ever used it? Morphling?” Katniss asked carefully, trying not to upset or revile him, but curious if that was why he thought to check. His eyes wandered aimlessly before he summoned an answer, slowly.

“Yeah...yes...not like that....I....sometimes they would make me take it...” Katniss’ stomach churned at the the thought. She felt her fingers tighten on his thigh, involuntarily. She wanted to ask him one more thing, while he seemed willing to share.

“Finnick?”, she questioned slowly, waiting for him to turn to her, “what happened at the party for Peeta and I? Johanna said you wished you were dead....”

Finnick turned his head from her, closing his eyes as he debated whether to lie or tell the truth. Whether to leave her out or let her in. He inhaled. Some places be didn’t want to share. 

Finnick was replaying the night in his mind the way he so often tried not to. How it had been a night where each of the Capitols most sought after victors was kept in a room off a long hallway in the mansion and all night long they were used for entertainment. How, while Katniss was twirling on the dance floor, Finnick was being fed drugs in a bedroom with a neverending line of Capitol elite - women and men - waiting for the chance to be with him. That in that one single night he had been with nearly one hundred people in numerous different ways he couldn’t find the words to explain to her without vomiting or risking her abandoning him.

“Johanna and I met in the bathroom. I was getting sick. She asked if I was ok. I think I must have told her I wished I was dead....”

He left out the parts about vomiting to try to sober himself up and lose whatever they had given him, but also because his body ached and his mind raced and in that moment he did want to die because he had to go back. That people were still lined up outside of his door, ready to enjoy a few minutes with their favorite party favor. He remembered the look of pity from Johanna that also carried a touch of ‘I’m glad it’s you and not me’ just to spite him.

Katniss could tell she wasn’t getting the whole thing, but she could also tell that pushing past it was going to shut him down completely. He glanced at her and shook his head gently, eyes bearing that familiar crystal glaze. 

“Don’t.” He whispered.

“Don’t what?” Katniss replied after an uneasy pause.

“Don’t look at me like that, like you feel sorry for me. I did what I had to do. But Johanna is right. I lost Mags anyway. And Annie....what good did it do?”

His voice trailed off in defeat. And Katniss had no good answer. She pressed into his side and felt his body cooling. Like the night before at the fountain, he was shutting down. She turned, kneeling in front of him, hands holding hands.

She had an idea that was just crazy enough to work. Maybe, and if she could steel herself enough to take it.

“Don’t shut me out, Finnick. Let me help you....” she was trying to get him to look at her, to let her in, and finally as she whispered he seemed to...

“Use....me....”


	14. Chapter 14

“Use you?” Finnick’s voice hung in the air gasping a question that he couldn’t understand and maybe didn’t want to.

Use me, she said.

Katniss swallowed hard, unsure of what she had just actually asked him to do. She leaned in to him, pressing on his knees as she rose up to meet him at eye level.

“Yes. Use me.”

Finnick studied her face before gently easing her hands off of his knees and standing.

“Katniss, I don’t know what....” he started to protest as he walked from her, still seething sadness and doubt. She had seen it ebb and flow in him and was trying desperately to fine tune a way to stave it off altogether. She interrupted him, standing quickly behind him and taking his hand, spinning him back around to face her.

“I want you to use me. Control me. The way they used you, do what you want. For once. Without worrying about doing it to save someone else. Do it just for you. Not me.” 

Her words were tripping out over her lips from a deep seeded place of honesty that had been pushed to it’s limits by Johanna. And the sheer realization that there had been so much pain that she didn’t know or understand. And that still he internalized it, hugged Johanna instead of lashing out at her. Begged for forgiveness and never pity. Hated himself for the things he had done. Questioned her ability to love him. 

He pulled his hand from her wrist. No, yanked his hand from her wrist.

“You think that’s what I want?!” He almost shouted at her, which shocked them both since he shot to a fifteen from about a three in no time at all. She took a step from him and he immediately regretted his tone, even if it was relatively out of his control.

“Katniss...” he spoke slowly, gingerly reaching to take her hand back, wading through water unfamiliar to either of them, “the last thing I want is to use you. Or hurt you. Or punish you. Or ever make you feel the things I’ve felt. They made me do it once, I won’t do it again.” He knew that her request was honest, even if misplaced, but even acknowledging their first night together made his stomach turn at the memory. He could see her chest rising and falling faster now. Fighting off either a scream or a cry.

“I want to know, Finnick. You’re one big secret puzzle to me and I want to know where you are. I want to be there with you...” even as she talked Finnick pulled her gently towards himself and leaned down until their foreheads touched and she closed her eyes, “every single piece of my trauma played out for the whole of Panem. You said it yourself. People knew my secrets before I did. But you. No one knows. It’s too much Finnick. To do it alone.”

She let go of his hand and raised hers to the side of his face, cupping it as she continued to talk. Her mind swam with the ideas of what he had been through and she was convinced it would destroy her.

“Katniss you don’t want to know what I’ve done. The things I’ve had to do. You might think it will help you understand me. It won’t. Because it wasn’t me. Not really. Whatever you’re thinking it might be, it’s probably worse. But it’s over. Like everything else we have had to survive, public or not, it’s....over.”

She opened her eyes to watch him closely, feeling his breath hot on her face.

“Then tell me how to help you. What you want....”

He took in her eyes and then smiled slightly. Pulling his head from hers.

“What I want?” He asked her softly as if no one had ever asked him before. And really, no one had.

“I want to take the wild little girl down the street...the one who looks just like you...and teach her to fish....”

Katniss smiled lightly at first, all at once because of the warmth in his voice and the image of what that would look like. Finnick had both of her hands in his, interlocking their fingers as he spoke, “and I want to get her so tired that she falls asleep in the sand and we have to take turns carrying her back...”

As he continued it became obvious that he had spent some time working out this day in his mind.

“I want to make dinner. And listen to music. And eat...way too much. Then I want to put Mags to sleep with stories...good ones...about the ocean and the forest and all the other places we will take her someday...and I want her to sleep... in her own bed...”

Finnick smiled broadly as he continued to weave the image of the perfect day. Katniss locked her fingers in his.

“Then I want to make love to you. At least once.....” Katniss felt her cheeks flush and she bit her lip, watching him closely...even the words on his mouth made her want him...

“Then I want to fall asleep with you. And have dreams. Good ones. Of us. Of what this can look like. That’s what I want.”

He tucked his thumb under her chin to raised her face enough so his lips could meet hers. As he kissed her softly she slowly melted into his chest and he closed his arms around her back before he pulled from her and tucked his head beside hers. Pulling her into a hug that lasted minutes long. Neither of them spoke. They just held each other and breathed in...and out....

“Well, maybe we should go get your student. She is very anxious to learn how to use a trident.” Katniss broke the silence but not the hug. Finnick did that, leaning away from her with a laugh as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Maybe a net first. Let’s make sure she has our aim before we arm her. Yeah?” 

Katniss allowed herself a chuckle, realizing that she assumed Mags would inherit a sure shot from both of her well trained parents.

“I...uh....I need to check on Annie, too....” Finnick explained cooly, and Katniss hoped he didn’t notice the immediate weight that lowered her shoulders. He didn’t include that aspect in his perfect day. And Katniss had almost forgot about the weight of Annie Cresta on his shoulders. But she was determined more than ever to keep Finnick’s spirit from breaking under it.

“Well let’s head to Haymitch’s. I mean, my mom is helping her, weaning Johanna off morphling, helping Haymitch dry out and giving Peeta physical therapy for his leg. Maybe she can do something about to your hair...” Katniss loved to tease him. She remembered the first time she met him and set the tone for their entire sexually charged antagonism.

“You love my hair.” He winked at her as they both sat, pulling on shoes and gathering supplies for the day. His day. 

Which she hoped would be all the things he needed.


	15. Chapter 15

By the time Finnick and Katniss arrived at Haymitch’s home in Victor’s Village they were both weighed down with backpacks and gear, which they immediately dropped upon entering. The house was still, and they stood in the foyer listening for any kind of sign of life. Finnick was just unhooking the final strap of the bag on his back when his eyes lit up at the sound of giggling coming from the kitchen. Since all of the homes were basically the same in the Village, it wasn’t hard for him to navigate his way there. Katniss dropped a large bag and followed after him, almost tiptoeing.

There - in the kitchen - sat Mags and Annie. On the floor, knees pulled up between them, Mags attaching all sorts of pieces of ribbon and string into Annie’s hair. Tying the precise knots she was already a master at. Finnick and Katniss leaned against the doorway and watched in pure amazement as Annie smiled and giggled along with Mags, enduring the disheveled makeover she was getting. Katniss all at once watched them play and watched Finnick studying them, anxiously biting the side of his mouth. Katniss wondered what he was thinking.

Katniss felt a gentle touch on her arm and turned to see her mother, watching them as well, smiling warmly at the simplicity of it all. Finnick turned to her and whispered,

“Do you think it’s alright to leave Mags alone with her?”

His voice was dripping with concern. After all, it was Finnick and only Finnick who knew that Annie’s upset could quickly move to aggression...that Finnick had been on the receiving end of several times.

“She seems to calm her, Finnick, much like you do. Look...”

Finnick turned to watch Katniss, worried as much about how this all sat with her as much as what was happening with Annie. She smiled to reassure him. Also granting a sort of silent permission for her daughter to play a part in all of this.

Finnick looked back at the two new friends sprawled on the kitchen floor. Annie’s hair was tied up in various ribbons and bows, hanging all over her shoulders and face, and now she had Mags laying in her lap as she did the same. Playing at Mags’ loose braid. Finnick squinted hard, unable to quite believe what he was seeing. This girl who had barely reacted to anything for the past three years. Whose hair he had to brush. Who he had to bathe. Was suddenly....interacting.

“She still hasn’t spoken but she seems much less irritable today. This is good, Finnick.” He nodded gratefully.

Katniss saw a smile spread hesitantly as Mags lay in Annie’s lap, playing. She felt this strange pang of anxiety. Jealousy. She wondered if that would ever go away. She wondered if he was imagining a world where Mags belonged to he and Annie.

Mags had produced some of her rope toys from her pockets and was playing with the tony woven figurines in the air as she giggled at the tickling in her hair and her bare feet twisted on the floor. She moved them together in sync as if they were floating...dancing.

“This is me,” she moved the smaller of the two toys in the air until it collided with the other one, “and this is Finnick. He’s taking me fishing....” she moved the rope figures together making movements of throwing and catching, cheering them on all the while...hardly aware that Annie’s hands had frozen still in her hair. She reached up and touched the doll that Mags had labeled ‘Finnick.’ He gulped almost audibly as he watched her touch it gently. 

“F....Finn...Finnick?” 

His hands nearly clawed at the door as he tried to decide whether to move in to intervene. Annie took the doll carefully into her hand as if it were made of glass, as she was. And then it was like she suddenly became aware of where she was. Scanning the room for something familiar, hands still in Mags’ hair, even as the little girl looked up at her questioningly.

Finnick finally released his hand from the door and slid cautiously into the kitchen, taking a knee at their side. Mags jumped up immediately, throwing her arms around his neck. So blissfully unaware of the house of cards she was playing in.

“You’re here! Are we fishing now? Do you love Annie’s hair? Doesn’t she look beautiful?” Mags was talking a mile a minute but Finnick’s ears were ringing so loudly he could hardly hear her. Annie was staring at him. Her blue eyes wide open but soft, locked onto his eyes as if she had never seen them before. Finnick couldn’t remember the last time his face had held her focus.

“Finnick.” She said it again. Her voice shaky but the word came in one piece. He nodded.

“I’m here.” She pressed the woven doll into his chest gently, staring at it all the while. 

“Mags.”

Finnick’s brow settled into a concerned and alert expression. Katniss whispered to Mags to pull her attention and beckon her away from them even as her heart broke. Mags walked backwards until she hit Katniss’ legs.

“Mommy she can talk...” she whispered, and even though she hadn’t ever heard her speak which was remarkable enough...she didn’t know the half of it. That she hadn’t spoken a word since Finnick nearly died in the woods. Johanna, still pale and disheveled had appeared behind the other women. Watching as they did in amusement. She was the only other one who had had any idea what things had been like. 

“Holy shit.” She whispered, looking down at Mags, she added, “sorry kid.”

Finnick’s eyes were filling with water that threatened to betray him. Annie had been gone. For years. He had resigned himself to showing her the care she deserved by taking care of her but never expected that even a small part of her would return. Not after all the time that had passed. They stared at each other, motionless, almost daring the other to say something. 

“Tell her how pretty she looks, Finnick!” Mags whispered loudly, still proud of her work on Annie’s golden red hair. Finnick swallowed hard. Katniss felt lightheaded enough that she sat in a nearby chair.

“You look very pretty, Annie.” He whispered, touching one of the large green fabric bows that Mags has secured in her hair with a pretty good attempt at a sailor’s knot. Annie watched him, but her expression didn’t change. She simply leaned forward into his chest...where she was pressing the doll...and lay her head on him, turning it and closing her eyes. He dropped his head slightly and watched her before turning and realizing there was an audience that now also included Haymitch.

Mags turned to Katniss, 

“Can Annie fish with us today? Can she? Please?” Katniss wanted to heave at the idea of the current stress she was feeling lingering....all...day...

And almost out of guilt and apology, Johanna intervened. 

“Oh no, you know what?! I promised Annie that I would take her to paint with Peeta! Darn it, right? Maybe next time?” Johanna mussed her black braided hair before giving Katniss a knowing look, to which she responded by mouthing thank you slowly. 

And it was Johanna who finally walked into the kitchen to help Finnick. She knelt by him and placed a shaky hand on his shoulder. She whispered something into his ear and he closed his eyes hard to it. Katniss watched as she spoke softly to him for a long while. He opened his eyes and looked at her, slowly nodding, letting just a hint of the tears that filled them escape before shaking it off immediately. A blink and you missed it kind of cry. He gently lifted Annie from his arms as Johanna touched her hair.

“Annie, wow. Did Mags do this? It’s beautiful. You look so beautiful! Hey, we have a date with Peeta today. He’s gonna show us how to paint the ocean. Remember? Maybe you can paint the ocean for Finnick.” 

“Finnick.” Annie whispered again. 

“Yeah, Finnick,” Johanna repeated after her as she put her hand on Finnick’s chest, “Finnick takes good care of you doesn’t he? But today we are going to go work with Peeta. You’ll love Peeta. He’s like Finnick...only with less hair and a better cook. C’mon now...”

Johanna helped her to her feet and braced her waist, helping Annie on uneasy feet as they passed the crowd gathered in the doors. She stopped and knelt to Mags.

“Hey, when you get back tonight I want you to do my hair ok?” Mags’ face lit up as she emphatically nodded at her. Johanna continued, an uncharacteristic smile on her face, “and go easy on Finnick. He’s had a rough day and he’s not nearly as good at fishing as he thinks he is.”

Johanna stood and winked at Katniss as she eased Annie past. Katniss was staring at the strange girl from Four. Fixated. She was beautiful. She was sad. She was lost. But they had two very powerful things in common: surviving the hell of the arena and deep love for Finnick Odair. 

Fuck.

Katniss’ mother gently touched her daughter’s arm, smiling softly and looking towards Finnick with an encouraging nod that let her know she truly believed it would be ok.

“No one ever said it would be easy kid. I’ll be upstairs if you need me. You want me to take Mags?” Haymitch asked quietly, already spinning the little girl in a pirouette between them. Katniss looked down at her and then over at Finnick. Still kneeling motionless in the center of the room. She closed her eyes and revisited the images from his perfect day. She took in a shaky breath before answering.

“Could you maybe wait for us out front? It’ll just be a minute....I think....I hope...”

Haymitch continued to twirl Mags as he moved her towards the front door and Katniss told her to get ready to go. Hoping Finnick would hear, too. She turned to face him in a room that suddenly felt so...empty. He was still kneeling, looking down at the floor where she sat, twirling the rope doll that Mags had made of him. Katniss sat next to him quietly. Waiting a moment to see if he would be the one to break the unease. He didn’t raise his face but moved the rope toy onto Katniss’ lap and she touched it with her fingertips.

“Finnick” he whispered his own name. 

It meant something they had both been afraid of: Annie remembered. She remembered him. Not just the random person who had been dutifully caring for her. Not the dashing victor that charmed the Capitol. But Finnick. The young boy from Four whom she loved. 

He knew it. She knew it. Katniss’ tummy swirled with upset. She ran her fingers over the ring rope version of him, then let her fingers fall on his and rest there for a long while.

“Does it change things, Finnick? It’s....it’s ok if it does. I....I understand.” Katniss fought hard to remain in control of the sound of her voice. She was terrified to even give him the chance to answer.

He lifted his eyes and faced her. She couldn’t read his expression. But he wasn’t going to let her dangle there.

“I don’t know.” His answer was blank and honest and raw. And she wanted to cry. He ran a thumb over her mouth and then stood. He offered her his hand she hesitated for a minute before taking it. 

He smiled at her. It was as honest as his answer. 

“We better go. The earlier we get to those falls the more time you’ll have to clean all those fish.”

Katniss feigned a half smile, “you mean you still want to go?”

Finnick was wounded and his face showed it immediately.

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

Katniss shrugged slowly, “I just...if things are different....”

Finnick interrupted her.

“Hey no no....no. It doesn’t change us. It changes...things. We figure that part out together. Right?”

She was comforted by his confidence in her. She squeezed his hand in hers, thanking him. He took it and pulled her into him by the arm.

“I’ve been dreaming about this day....” he whispered, “all of it.....” he leaned into her hair and kissed her ear gently.

He pulled her hand behind him as they moved to the door and started to reload supplies, sharing a quick kiss before they opened the door to Mags and Haymitch playing on the street. She made a running start to them and jumped into Finnick’s arms as Katniss winced....award of his weak back even if Mags wasn’t. Finnick gently slid her around his side until she was perched on it...and he adjusted her legs to carry her into the woods that way. She rested her hands in his hair.

“Are you ok? Your back?” Katniss asked.

“It’s ok. I mean it’ll be sore for a bit but I know it’ll be worth it.” He winked at her, knowing they both understood the double meaning of his sentiment.

The three of them bounced into the woods together, bogged down with only fishing and hiking supplies and a sheer determination to have a day together.


	16. Chapter 16

By the time they reached the clearing in the woods where the trees gave way to the water, Mags was fast asleep on Finnick’s back. Katniss led him to a trail to descend to the water, knowing that he wouldn’t be jumping with a three year old strapped to him. He had felt her grow heavy on his back and get silent about half way there and knew that she was asleep hard.

When they made it down to the sand, Katniss pulled a blanket from her pack, laid it on the sand, and Finnick gently placed Mags down into the soft ground where she stirred only slightly before rolling to her side and popping a thumb into her mouth...still fast asleep. Finnick laughed at the sight of it, quietly sitting his pack down and easing down on to the blanket.

“She sucks her thumb? She must get that from you....” Katniss was pulling her boots off and sitting beside him as he teased her, which elicited a giant punch to his shoulder. 

“Well you snore and drool, so we’re even.”

Finnick slipped his boots off and moved his feet off the blanket and into the sand. He watched his toes move in and out of it.

“I have a lot to learn about her.” He said, looking over the sleeping figure at his side.

“We all have a lot to learn about each other. And we will.” Katniss rested her head on his shoulder and her toes eased into the warm sand next to his, playing at each other quietly.

“Annie loved the water,” Finnick’s voice was hushed...to not wake Mags but also knowing that talking about Annie was difficult for both of them, “she was the best swimmer I’d ever seen. Better than me. And that’s saying something....”

Katniss grinned. While thinking of Annie and Finnick together unsettled her there was something about his voice as he reminisced that calmed her.

“I knew swimming was the only thing that would keep her alive. I fought. So hard, to get her into the water somehow. In the arena. And it worked. The water kept her alive. And now? She’s terrified of it. I mean, I used to take her to the ocean...after her games...when she would panic or lose control. And now? The very thing that helped scares her the most.”

Finnick’s voice ebbed from calm to cool to sad. And Katniss’ own thoughts followed. Knowing what Finnick meant about the kind of “fighting” he would have to do while she was in the arena. That if Haymitch had to schmooze people over drinks to get her medicine, Finnick would be asked to do much much more to get his tributes gifts. And she could feel the mourning in his voice at the idea of someone like them, where they were from, fearing the water. It would be like her being terrified of the the woods. The only place she trusted.

Finnick sat forward and rested his hands on his knees.

“That’s what they took from her. I thought I was saving her. I wasn’t. I made it worse.”

Katniss sat behind him, her hand on his back. 

“No. You didn’t. You did save her, don’t let them take that from you. Everything you did saved her. And Mags, too. We lost her but YOU gave her the life she loved and the freedom to make her own choice. You did that. Like me and Peeta. Do you know how many nights I laid awake thinking I should have just put an arrow through his brain in the arena to save him from the rest of this? But look at us now. Look around, Finnick. We did save them. And we won.”

She saw his face change at the mention of Mags and knew that inside of him her loss was still palpable. Maybe more than anyone else they had collectively lost. But she also saw him drinking in her words and letting them calm him. She knew she was getting through. Even as she fought hard to make sure that she didn’t disturb Mags. Knowing that as much as he wanted time with the three of them, they so desperately needed to have these conversations.

“You’re right.” Finnick turned to her softly and slowly, realizing that the thing that bonded them more than a shared trauma was living through trauma with the burden of saving everyone else. If Peeta and Annie were the ones they each fought to protect, them Katniss and Finnick were truly cut from the same cloth: the kind of people who would do whatever it took to protect what they love, and the kind of people that would only find comfort from someone...just like them. 

It washed over Finnick. He thought back to the first night of their capture. He realized that as guilty as he had felt...deep down he knew that Katniss would understand. That she would have done the same. Johanna had admitted to him that she couldn’t and it drove her crazy. But Katniss? Katniss could have. She would have. He leaned his forehead into hers and studied the strength in her face.

“I’m not telling you not to love Annie. And I never will. I know you love her and I know you need each other.” She whispered, her hand taking his on his lap.

“Like Peeta.” He whispered back. Katniss inhaled.

“Yes. It doesn’t change how I feel about you. About us.”

Finnick pushed closer to her until his lips covered hers. She kissed back softly, urgently wanting him but very aware of it being the absolute worst time. 

Sure enough, Mags was stirring on the blanket behind them. Finnick leaned over his shoulder to watch her wake and chuckled to himself.

“What?” Katniss asked, curiously smiling. Finnick leaned down and ran his thumb over Mags’ cheek. Soaked with drool. He held it up to show Katniss, a look of admitted defeat and a faint smile on his face.

The next few hours passed like a whirlwind. Katniss sat out food for a picnic on the dunes...bread from Peeta, berries, cheese. Finnick and Mags played in the water, barely concerned with fishing. He marveled at the natural swimmer she was and spent hours training her under the water. Gliding beneath the surface with her on his back at first, and then gradually letting her do it on her own. He caught her as she jumped from the sides of the rock. Swam with her in and out of the pounding waterfall. Finally resting to fashion a net to walk through shallow water with. Katniss screamed in elation along with her when she landed her first two fish. Finnick was already starting to glow a deeper bronze from his time in the sun and Katniss marveled at how it just made him seem happier. Healthier. She noticed that as they played Mags darkened too, looking more and more like him by the minute. 

They shared a picnic, passing food around and giving each other bites. Mags bouncing from lap to lap. After lunch they hung their wet clothes to dry and with full bellies all cuddled in nothing but underclothes took a deep and long family nap on the sand. Katniss held Mags and rested on Finnick’s chest. 

It. Was. Perfect.

And effortless. It was who they were meant to be. Surrounded by trees and water.

Finnick woke first, gently playing in Katniss’s hair as they slept on him. It eventually woke her...and Mags in kind. They made their way back through the woods, stopping only for Mags to pick an occasional berry or Katniss to draw her bow on a pheasant. By the time they arrived home, Finnick set about making a fire to cook the way he was accustomed to...not knowing how to make much sense of an actual kitchen. He grilled the fish and the birds while Katniss and Mags baked bread and berries.

They ate dinner much the way they ate lunch: sprawled out on the back porch, passing plates and baskets, sharing bites and stories. Mags bragging about how the fish only tasted as good as it did because she had caught it. Katniss noticed her occasional yawns growing closer and closer together and eventually suggested that they get ready for bed. Finnick carried her up the stairs as Katniss drew her a bath. But by the time Finnick reached the bathroom, Mags was fast asleep in his arms. He rounded the corner and Katniss smiled as she saw her.

“Maybe a bath in the morning?,” he whispered, “ I don’t want to wake her.”

Katniss turned off the water and nodded in agreement. Finnick carried Mags to the guest room that used to be his and softy tucked her into the sheets. By the time he turned, Katniss was leaning against the door...smiling gently at him. 

He tiptoed towards her, more aware than ever of remaining silent, and hoping that hours of swimming would ensure a long, exhausted night of sleep for her.

Finnick gently moved Katniss from the door and pulled it closed behind them. She immediately wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him to her, leading down the hall to what was now their room. They clumsily moved together as one, kissing, undressing, running their hands all over each other even as they knocked things off the wall and giggled softly at the noise they made.

Katniss backed into the room first as Finnick was hastily unclasping the back of her bra, pressing his hands into her bare back as it fell to the floor between them...the last in a trail that included his pants, her shoes, her shirt, his shirt. By the time she had backed against the bed and he sat her gently on it, it was only underwear separating them. Finnick laid her back onto the bed and followed immediately, leaving no space between them. Simultaneously, almost synchronized, they reached for each other’s hips: she tugged at his and he tugged at hers as they were a flurry of hands pushing the cotton fabric from between them and eventually using their legs and feet to kick them free, dropping them beside the bed. 

Finnick buried his head in her neck, his face in a swirl of loose black curls as she reached up and played coyly at the just long enough hair around the nape of his neck. 

Finnick was hard against her stomach and lifted himself onto his knees to find her. She reached between them and took him gently in her hand, guiding him easily inside of her until she had to move her hand out of the way to let him sink completely into her. They moaned slightly together as she spread her thighs to adjust to him and immediately they rocked in unison, hips meeting hips as he only barely withdrew with each pulsing thrust into her. 

He ran his hands up her arms and held her hands fast against the pillow beside their heads. Their fingers played and tangled and tightened. Finnick gauged her reactions by how tight she gripped his fists, and slowed or quickened at her discretion. She was panting quietly, whispering his name but only barely. He turned and took her ear in his mouth, gently kissing her, rolling his tongue along it’s edge until she thought the sound might make her explode.

He whispered quietly into her ear: how he loved her, how he needed her. And for no specific reason at all she started to cry, folding even tighter into him as he rocked her gently. He could feel the damp on his cheek and lifted on an elbow only enough to see her. She met his gaze, only to see that he was softly letting himself cry as well. She stared at him. She had never really seen him cry before. Even in the arena he worked hard to keep that from her. But now his forehead was pressed to hers and they wept together gently, a slow release of so much pain and so much fear. Katniss pulled her hands from his and wrapped them around his lower back, pressing hard as she tucked her knees around his hips, locking him in place inside her. She felt his cock throb in her and the muscles in his back tighten. Without a word she watched his face as he started to come, and when she could feel the slick heat filling her, her body involuntarily joined him. She bucked slightly, unable to control the tightening in her stomach and hips...twitching around him as her mouth hung open. They were lost in watching each other lose all control. Completely vulnerable but completely safe. Finnick collapsed gently onto her and they caught their collective breath. Their bodies were slick from sweat and heat.

Katniss turned to curl into his side, feeling him ease out of her and rest on her thigh as they effortlessly drifted off to sleep together. And just like he requested in his list of wants from her, he made love to her at least once...and didn’t stop there. Several times during the night when one of them would wake, they would silently move against the other until their need for each other arose again and he would enter her almost in a dreamlike state of awareness before coming together and drifting back off to sleep.

The morning came early and Finnick woke first. His body ached from the activity of the day...and night...before. It was rare that someone was awake before Mags so he kept to himself. Letting his girls sleep as he slowly tiptoed down the stairs pulling on his T-shirt over his soft pajama bottoms as he moved. He could see the sun starting to rise and thought he would slowly enjoy a cup of coffee before going to check in on Annie. At what Haymitch had started to call “The Rehab House.”

He hadn’t made it far into the kitchen before he felt someone behind him, and turned to see Katniss. Her face was puzzled slightly and she toyed with something in her hand.

“Hi...” he greeted her. And as always...she responded.

“Hi...”, she smiled at him before turning her attention back to the letter in her hand, “did you see this?”

“No...” Finnick answered honestly, moving back towards her as some strong coffee brewed behind him, “What is it?”

“It was on the table by the door. I don’t know where it came from but it’s addressed to you....it’s from Commander Paylor.”

Katniss’ voice deepened and echoed the feeling Finnick had at the sound of her name. Commander Paylor was ruling the Capitol and the whole of Panem, and had stuck very specific agreements with her tributes that offered them protections. She had asked Finnick to serve as the District Four representative on her democratic council and he refused. Which she had honored.

So why was she messaging him now, and how did she find him here?

Finnick sank into a chair at the kitchen table, as Katniss watched his fingers tremble...debating whether or not to even open it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Finnick,**

****

**I hope this letter finds you well upon your visit to District 12, and I regret to inform you that despite my casual greeting this letter is of great urgency.**

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

**I wanted to send it with Johanna so that you would feel you had time to make the decision that suits not only you but all of Panem. My instinct was to visit myself, but at her request I will be seeking contact with you, courtesy of Beetee, in the coming days.**

****

****

**You may or may not have heard that our council has discovered several sleeper cells operated by followers of Coriolanus Snow. We have identified several here in the Capitol but also heard of several smaller attacks in Districts 2, 9, and 11. We suspect many have been hijacked and have found ways to stay in contact with him despite our efforts to contain him with maximum security. Two nights ago there was a covert attack on our stronghold here, with great casualty and loss of life. A message was left intended for the Mockingjay.**

****

**While Beetee and his team are working to track all communications and force out any inside information that may be leaked from trusted sources, our council has decided that while I am more than capable of maintaining military control, the people of Panem are yearning for familiar and trusted leadership across the board.**

****

****

**There was much discussion and I am very aware that even penning this correspondence goes against the fiber of the contracts drawn up with all surviving victors. But we are desperate and in need of your help. My second in command has been compromised and we simply cannot afford to lose our hold on the Capitol now.**

****

****

**Johanna has been the most vocal of our senate here, but her current struggles and addiction have kept her from the mental stability needed to fight to not only inspire confidence in our own forces, but to protect our headquarters. Obviously our Congress was very interested in approaching Katniss Everdeen herself but being that she has recently become a mother, I am uncomfortable asking her to put herself in any sort of trepidation.**

****

****

**We would, of course, provide you your own command. Take every safety precaution possible, and supply you with whatever staff you need to assist with Miss Cresta as well.**

****

****

**I trust that you will not come to this decision lightly but that your heart is, at is always has been, with the innocent people of Panem who are once again in need of your protection.**

****

****

**I will be in contact with you within the week.**

****

****

**Be well, yourself and all the residents of your districts.**

****

****

**Commander Paylor**

****

****

Finnick read the letter to himself, fingers shaking at the edges on the paper. His eyes squinted intently, and as he finished it he held it still, working it over in his mind and even reading parts of it over again to be sure he understood it.

“What? Finnick...what is it?” Katniss was nervously watching him read it and trying to read his face. Knowing that this couldn’t possibly just be a thank you note. Finnick raised his eyes to hers, brow still furrowed. He passed the letter to her and stood, pacing the kitchen as she read it.

As her eyes bounced over the words the swelling anger and fear in her belly grew as she moved further and further over the paper. She could feel her words start to come into her mouth but not past her lips. When she finished the letter she realized that her fingers had been crushing the paper in her hands.

“No.” Her voice finally came to her and it wasn’t just a voice, it was a scream. Finnick didn’t turn to look at her, but wrapped his hands around the edge of the kitchen counter he was leaning on.

She slammed the paper and her fist onto the kitchen table. 

“No, Finnick!” She yelled at him again, knowing that his inability to look at her meant he was at the very least entertaining the idea of giving the Commander what she wanted. He turned to face her still leaning against the counter. For a moment there was silence and only the sound of coffee breeding filled the space between them.

“You read it Katniss. What choice do I have.” His voice came from him low but determined. As if he had already accepted this letter as his fate.

“What choice do you have? You have every choice in the world. That is why we had those binding agreements, Finnick, because we were all taking our lives back. You don’t have to do this.”

“Then who will? You read it. Who’s left?”

“You have Mags, too, and if Paylor knew that...”

“Why do you think Johanna didn’t tell her?” Finnick interrupted, their hurried words and desperate attempts to make themselves heard were tripping over each other, “because she knows I need to do this.”

“You can’t leave her again, Finnick. You can’t.”

“Her? Or you?” 

His words stopped her. And she breathed. For the first time since she read the letter she focused on her breathing and it was coming on fast, taking over her. 

“Either of us. We need you here. Finnick, please don’t make me be ok with this. Please...” her stern voice came and went and was replaced by a growing guttural sob as she begged him not to tell her he wouldn’t go. “Please....Finnick...”

His heart broke watching her and he held fast to the counter for as long as he could before crossing the room to her.

“And what? Wait here for some sleeper cell that’s already right under our noses to activate and kill you both? Kill all of us? You know I can’t do that....”

There was more silence. She knew he was right. She hated it. But she knew a part of him was right.

“If you go, I go.” She whispered.

“I won’t have Mags in that kind of danger.” He stopped her in her tracks.

“You just said yourself we don’t know that she is safe here either. If you go, we go, too. It’s not up for discussion. I get to make choices, too.”

He studied her words, taking them in and trying to think of the million ways things could play out.

“We go together. As a family. Maybe that will be what they need to see...” his voice was little more than a whisper, as if he was saying it more to himself than to her.

“As a family.”

Katniss was furiously trying to compose herself as she repeated his words. He nodded slowly and she could see him nervously chewing the inside of his mouth.

“I need to talk to Johanna. See what she knows about the President’s Mansion. How safe we would be there. How safe it is here. I need to keep you both where it’s safe. And if that’s here...you’re staying here...” Katniss nodded blankly, knowing Johanna would be the place to start. Suddenly Katniss spun with the realization that Johanna had come to Twelve to take care of Annie and get clean, so that Finnick could leave. He took her hand in his and tried to weave his fingers into hers but she pulled them back, tugging her hand from his grasp. He looked at her, a strange combination of puzzled and hurt.

“I can’t right now. I can’t let myself keep falling deeper in love with you just to lose you again. I’m sorry.” She pulled from him entirely and left both Finnick and the crumpled correspondence from Commander Paylor alone in the kitchen.  
He heard her trudge quickly up the stairs in a cloud of muffled sobs but felt powerless to go after her. Instead he fastened his boots, pocketed the letter, and headed to Johanna for some answers.


	18. Chapter 18

“You saw it.” Johanna said the words before she even turned to face Finnick as he entered the room behind her. She was sitting on the couch, her legs tucked under her, chewing her nails like she was starving, and staring out the window. She had seen him moving quickly towards the house before he even got to the porch.

“I saw it.” Finnick responded as he rounded the couch and sat on a chair facing her, placing himself between her gaze and the front window. He folded forward, all business, elbows on his knees, and spoke with a hushed voice. Johanna finally made herself look at him, her eyes dark and concealing.

“How bad is it?” He asked.

“It’s bad.” She muttered and he could tell that it was not only affecting her now but had been affecting her since.

“Look I held onto that letter because I didn’t want to give it to you. I told Paylor I didn’t want to give that to you. It’s fucking killing me Finnick. I came here to get better because....fuck, look at me, I’m no good to anyone right now.”

Finnick listened to her intently. Weighing each and every word in his mind and deciding if it made him feel the need to go or the drive to stay.

She told him of the first few small attacks. How they had executed several guards that were found aiding Snow in releasing information. That Beetee has discovered several of Plutarch’s trusted advisors reactivating Capitol pods. That they had evidence there were several hijacked sleepers in at least six of the districts.

“Four?” He asked quietly.

“Four.” She responded. He swallowed hard.

“Twelve?” He asked again, even more desperate. Johanna shook her head yes and looked at her fingers as they twisted in her lap.

“Finnick....” she whispered and he could hear a cry rising her throat. He leaned forward but didn’t say anything...just waited for an explanation it had become clear she had. She raised glassy, black eyes to his.

“We have good reason to believe that both Annie and Peeta have been compromised. Hijacked possibly. While you and Katniss were held in the mansion, they were detained in the medical lab. That’s all we know. That’s the other reason I’m here.”

As she spoke she lifted the hem of her shirt and revealed a tiny but effective knife strapped just below her rib cage. Finnick felt his heart pound in his chest. All of the sudden everything and nothing made sense. He stood, running his fingers in his hair and paced the room. He cursed himself for thinking that things could have ended so easily. Peacefully. But then he thought through what the last three years had looked like. His life in Four.

“She doesn’t speak. Doesn’t see anyone but me. For three years she just....” he was trying desperately to make sense of how this could have happened. Johanna stood behind him, closing in on his back, careful to keep her voice low.

“Beetee thinks they intended for her to kill you, they were just waiting for the right time. But fuck Finnick we don’t even know who THEY are right now. And that’s the problem. If we restore strong leadership in The Capitol, we can afford to devote more brain power to finding these freaks and putting them down. And we can afford to spare some manpower to protect the Districts until we are sure they are safe.”

Finnick fought himself. The same way he would try to steel himself against things happening to his body to keep them from his mind. Now he fought to listen to Johanna’s words as a career tribute, a trained killer...and not someone trying to protect the two girls he loved more than anything. He thought about the waterfall. He closed his eyes and immediately his mind flooded with images of it being ambushed. The way he panicked at the gong the first time Katniss had taken him. That panic was starting to return and he realized that now he couldn’t escape it. It wouldn’t just go away. They were both staring out the window as they saw a small hovercraft materialize just outside of the plaza, landing and revealing a small, darkly dressed group. 

Beetee wheeled out lastly, followed by Commander Paylor.

“Shit,” he muttered, “I thought I had a few days.”

Johanna sighed apologetically, “I should have given it to you sooner I just...kept hoping it would go away.”

There was silence as they all but hid like refugees in Haymitch’s window. Watching the small but intimidating entourage pass.

“You can also disappear, Finnick. Take them. And go. On the wind. You could survive. The two of you could protect her.”

Johanna whispered right into his ear and he had been thinking almost the exact same thought. He knew they could. There weren’t many people matched to fight off both Finnick Odair and Katniss Everdeen. But he also knew it may not be ‘people’ they had to fight off. Could he take that risk?

“Get some shoes on, let’s go.” Finnick commanded her, low and quick.

By the time they reached Katniss’ house, the assembled group from the Capitol had gathered in the front room...with Katniss, already fully dressed, holding court in the center of them. She locked eyes with Finnick as he entered, flanked dutifully by Johanna...and Haymitch. Who had as much riding on this as anyone. Finnick squinted and Katniss lost her train of thought at the sight of them. 

Which of them was about to take control of this situation. Finnick sneered at the idea that she already had. 

The gathered group followed her gaze and landed on the three Victors in the doorway, standing respectfully as they did. Paylor broke from the crowd and addressed Finnick first with a handshake and then with a gentle hug of appreciation. She greeted Johanna and Haymitch in much the same way while Finnick moved to greet Beetee and take his place by Katniss.

Paylor turned back to face them both.

“I realize I may not have given you the time you need, and I apologize, but I also know you understand the severity of this situation.”

Finnick nodded.

“Johanna was just getting me up to speed.”

“Then she told you about the potential threats here in Twelve.” Paylor lowered her voice, not sure if she would have to be the one to break the uncomfortable news. Finnick reached for Katniss’ hand as Johanna recounted the information she had given him. That there were immediate threats, and that the two most volatile could potentially be Annie...and Peeta. He felt Katniss’ grip tighten in his hand as she listened to the idea that Peeta had more than likely been programmed to activate at some point, and put Katniss down.

And that Annie was meant to assassinate Finnick.

Paylor went on to explain the situation at The Capitol but also in her unique honesty, which they both respected, assure them that she did not believe it would take long to find the refugees that still supported Snow and meant to carry out his work.

“We believe that by providing a united front that includes the Victors they came to know and love, we may be able to both reassure our people and perhaps dissuade any other refugee violence. So many of the former Capitol population has readily been accepted into our folds. But we are finding more and more that deep pockets of resistance still pose potential threats.

Finnick and Katniss stood hand in hand, listening, and could tell that it had slowly dawned on Paylor that they were...together. Beetee had also arched a brow at the fact that the team they expected to encounter was not necessarily the one standing in front of them.

“It doesn’t have to be Finnick.” Katniss said flatly, as if she hadn’t heard a word anyone said and knew that would be her answer all along.

“It doesn’t. But it should be. We looked at this from a hundred different vantage points. Finnick is popular with with both the rebels and the refugees....”

“For all the wrong reasons...” Katniss hissed interrupting Paylor, sure she knew exactly what she meant.

“I understand your frustration....”

“You don’t know the half of it.” Katniss refused to let her finish, getting increasingly aggressive with a woman she mostly admired, eliciting a soft whisper of her name from Finnick.

Paylor paused and waited for the go ahead.

“Of course we would be open to the discussion of all of the victors returning to the Capitol. At least temporarily, form a united front. You have always been inspirational....but....with your having a...”

As if on cue there was a scuttling in the hall behind the large but quiet group as the pitter patter of bare feet came slowly down the steps. Mags. 

She stood at the bottom of the stairs taking in the ensemble of people she didn’t recognize and arched an eyebrow. Scanning the crowd she finally landed on her parents and pushed through the gathered group, making a gentle jog to them. Finnick leaned over and scooped her into his arms, where she quickly buried her head on his shoulder, not facing any of the strangers.

Confusion started to fill the room as well as varying levels of understanding.

“As I was saying...” Paylor continued, “your having a daughter impacted our inclination to bring you back and ask you to command.” Finnick had dropped her hand to grab Mags, but now Katniss could feel it closing on her back.

“I have a daughter, too.” Finnick whispered it to the crowd, knowing that it would be news to many of them. Including Paylor. There was a long, thick, and uneasy silence. Mags twisted against him to face the crowd. Paylor smiled gently at her and she returned it.

“Well that explains those eyes. Really only seen anything like them once before...” Beetee cut through the silence as he adjusted his glasses, which pulled Mags’ gaze towards him. 

“You have a chair like Peeta.” She said, pointing at the wheels.

“I do. Peeta is a friend of mine, too. We are here to help him. Would you like to help?” Beetee spoke to her as if they had been friends for years. Somehow she had that effect on people. Her eyes lit up and she spun in Finnick’s arms to meet Katniss, squeezing her cheeks in between her tiny hands, 

“Ooooooh yes I want to help. Can I help?”

Katniss tried her very best to smile, as Finnick locked eyes on Paylor.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. I guess none of us did. We assumed the pregnancy was a result of....” she hesitated and Finnick could imagine what was meant to follow. That Mags was a result of Katniss coupling with someone in the Capitol under orders.

“It wasn’t.” He interjected. Even if technically it was a lie. Technically. 

More uneasy silence. 

“We’re a family. And I don’t mean just Katniss, Mags and I,” Finnick started with a sureness in his voice they hadn’t heard since before the Quarter Quell. Beetee smiled at Mags’ name. Finnick continued...

“Johanna, Haymitch, Annie, Peeta...if I go we all go. And there will be conditions. We make the calls, decide what is safe and what isn’t...with help from Beetee of course...and there is protection for Annie and Peeta until we sort out what is happening with them. And Mags...” he pressed his hand tightly around her....not sure how to finish.

“If you and Katniss helm this operation, letting the refugees know you have a child might encourage them. Or make her a target. I assure you that her safety will be our number one priority.”

Finnick and Katniss shared a glance as they listened to Paylor’s honest and understanding affirmation. A long one. 

“You don’t need to make this decision right now Finnick,” Beetee’s calming voice floated between them, “I know this is a lot to take back on. We’ve all been through hell already...”

“Not all of us,” Finnick cut him off quickly, passing Mags to Katniss, “she hasn’t. She doesn’t know anything about how horrible this world can be. And the second that changes, we pull the plug on this whole thing.”

Finnick moved towards Paylor.

“You promise me she’s protected, both of them. Because if anything goes down I will burn the Capitol to the ground myself and the three of us will be on the wind. Clear?”

“Crystal.” Paylor smiled faintly and extended a hand. Finnick shook it, watching Johanna nod and smile as he did.

There were a few small exchanges, as different people relayed messages and information....made plans...activity that swirled around Finnick and Katniss. Finnick saw Johanna step to the window and he followed her.

“Are you sure?” She looked to him longingly as he stood next to her and put his hands in his pockets. He smiled back at her faintly.

“No.” They laughed at being thrown together in yet another uneasy and unfair situation. It was what they were most used to in their friendship.

“Promise me something?” He asked her softly and she nodded an ‘of course.’

“Promise me you’ll stay with Annie and Peeta. Find out what’s going on. Keep them safe no matter what happens. Even if one of them should turn or do something stupid. Nothing happens to them. Promise me.” 

“I promise, Finnick. I promise.” She flung herself at him, gratefully. He hugged her tight, noticing Katniss watch them from across the room.

“C’mon, crazy, lets go get you and Annie packed.” Haymitch pulled her from Finnick’s arm and out the door. She punched him and broke free, following anyway.

Finnick stood in the window and watched as they headed back to the hovercraft. A strange kind of resolution over him. But his lip biting let Katniss know he was unsettled. She moved to stand by him. Mags ran to the kitchen for food and Katniss seized the quiet moment.

“Hi....” she whispered.

“Hi...” he turned and took her hand before looking back out the window.

“Together, right?” She asked with a quivering voice that betrayed her confidence. He didn’t look at her but answered immediately.

“Together.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *starts rough so if that doesn’t sit well with you, scroll a bit first.*
> 
> Finnick finally comes to terms with the horrific event that kick started the first part of this series, as this chapter wraps up part two. Thanks for following along! Feedback welcome as these two crazy kids move on from here! ⛵️💙🏹

_The room is dark. So dark. I’m grateful for it. I can only barely make out the shapes and silhouettes surrounding us and I can almost make myself pretend they aren’t there._

__

__

_But I can’t make her disappear. I wish it was so dark that I couldn’t see her. But I can. My hand is over her mouth so hard I can see her cheeks turning pink from it. And her eyes. Fuck. Her eyes are so wide they must hurt and they are staring at me. Terrified...hurt...confused...agony._

__

__

_This feels impossible because as used to this as I should be by now I’ve never been with someone actually fighting me to stop. Sometimes the women will pretend to not want it, maybe resist for a minute or two then giggle and beg, but it’s all a game._

__

__

_And this is not a fucking game. I’m ruining her. All at once praying that somehow she knows I am trying to get us the fuck out of here alive. And the sounds of the voices surrounding us are terrifying me, too. Some whisper. Some shout. Some pant and almost growl. I’ve been watched before, plenty of times. But not like this._

__

__

_I hear several commanding voices telling me to fuck her mouth. Some are male. Some female. I ignore it for as long as I can but it persists into a low chant. So I pull myself from inside of her and move over her face. I pull my hand off of her mouth long enough to hear her gasp for air and scream please, and then I’m pushing my cock into her throat. I know she’s never had anything like this and I can tell by the fact that she doesn’t even know how to fight me. She’s gagging and coughing and still her dark eyes are asking me why. Finally she closes them and I take the back of her head, a fistful of her hair, and pull her into my groin, slamming against her jaw. Suddenly I’m aware of someone behind me and I turn. There’s a large masked man, stroking himself through his purple pants, that match his tuft of perfectly groomed purple hair. Whatever he means to do to her I’m not gonna wait around to find out. Without even thinking I tear off of her mouth and kick my leg back hard. Clipping this piece of shit right in the throat. He falls back and I lean over her body protectively, like some kind of animal over a kill, and I fucking growl at him. In that second I’m afraid that I just blew it. That any minute now someone will come pull me from her and they’ll bring the mutt back. I’ll have to watch as it mutilates and violates her._

__

__

_But it doesn’t happen. In fact the crowd cheers. They like that I’m protecting her. Claiming her as my own. I’ve still got my hand on her chest to keep her still and I realize as she screams that I am pressing on her burnt chest. I move my hand to her throat and lay down over her, roughly grabbing her right leg and folding it hard to her waist before I’m forcing myself deep inside of her again. She’s wailing now. Her mouth uncovered. And people are cheering her crying on. She pushes at my face and with every ounce of her strength she’s trying to get me out of her._

__

__

_But I’m stronger. I push deep into her and I know I’m tearing her. I’m pumping against her so hard my hips hurt so I can only imagine how bruised she will be. She’s crying my name and I can’t take it._

__

__

_“Shut up.” I tell her. Because if I can’t finish we are both in trouble. And I’ve had nothing to help. No morphling to dull my senses or make me forget where I am, nothing like what they usually give me to make sure I can stay hard regardless of how utterly unturned on I am._

__

__

_And Snow knows it._

__

__

_I cover her mouth again and she is biting my hand but I don’t move it. I grit my teeth and hiss slightly before I decide I can’t watch her struggle anymore._

__

__

_I pull from her completely, grab her hips hard and flip her onto her knees, she makes a short attempt to crawl from me but my hands are on her hips. I look down at her just enough to get my bearings and I see she is bleeding. I don’t let myself think about it. I use my hands to open her and scream out for her as I plow into her from behind. She’s crying and it’s being drown out by the onlooking crowd. I don’t want to hear them either because so many of them are seething with desire. I’m glad I can’t see her._

__

__

_I take her braid in my hand and pull her head back. Yanking and pulling as I pick up the pace inside her. She is collapsing under me, losing the energy to fight, her body aching._

__

__

_Her head drops to the side even as I tug it and I look away. I know she’s crying and I can’t look at her. I close my eyes hard and try to imagine this is just someone else. One of the hundreds of people I’ve had to do this to or with. The room is so loud with people cheering us on that I can’t be sure but I think I’m actually telling myself to try to hurry up. I’m picking up inside her. She’s tighter this way and that helps. I think I might be able to come so I pull from her and she falls onto the ground. I flip her body over and it’s like a wet rag. She’s under me now, barely fighting at all but still protesting and begging me to stop. I move onto one knee, straddling her stomach. I cover the space between her legs with my hand and hold it there, mostly to keep anyone else from thinking it’s their turn._

__

__

_With my free hand I start jerking off. Hard. I push up towards her face, which she hangs away from me involuntarily, and finally I’m coming. I let myself call out for her as I cover her face with my come. Pushing her mouth open roughly, making her take it on her tongue. It’s in her eyes. Her hair. Her mouth. It’s messy and it’s exactly what they want because they scream and yell. I finish on her face and then crouch over her, protecting her and begging breathlessly for her to look at me so I know she’s ok....please be ok.....I’m trying to whisper her name to get her to look at me because I need to see her eyes and now, it’s like I’m not even here. I know they’re going to come take her from me and....Please, Katniss...please...._

__

__

“Please, Katniss....please....”

Finnick was whispering in his sleep. Soft at first but growing loud enough that it eventually woke her. Katniss had been tucked into his side, and she lay on his chest...which was heaving and damp with sweat now. He scared her.

She sat up and watched his pained expression for a moment before whispering his name. Nothing. He was nearly writhing in the sheets, still whispering her name, and she put her hand on his chest, whispering his back to him as if to answer, desperate the to pull him from where he was.

Before his eyes flickered open, his hand reached for hers, snapping his fingers closed on her wrist as she touched him. She tried to pull back but he had her, hard. In one swift move, he shot up in bed, panicked breathing and erratic muscle movement as she saw his green eyes take in the fact that he was awake. And he was safe.

“Finnick, I’m here. Hey.....it’s ok....shhhh....”

She gauged the fact that he was registering his safety now and his breathing was calming. She picked her body up...slowly turning to move onto his lap, facing him and taking his face in her hands. They had fallen asleep naked together and that’s how they were now. He leaned into her forehead and caught the remainder of his breath.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Shhhhhhhh, it’s ok....” she stroked his hair as his eyes closed against hers, “what was it? The nightmare...do you remember?”

She knew he had them. They all did. But she had never seen the intensity of his. Never been with him when one came over him. Stole his sleep. She wondered which of the horrors he had seen was keeping him up this time. His brow furrowed in pain, he tried to hold her skin against her back and convince himself that everything was ok now. She was ok. She had long since forgiven him. But this was the dream he had...and hated...most. And this was the first time she was there to see it.

“All those people Katniss....” he growled, his voice thick with sleep.

“What people?” She had his face in her hands, gently stroking his skin. She felt his cheeks wet and realized in the dark that he had been crying.

“The people that...watched us. Snow made it happen. But they all loved it. Wanted it. Cheered it on. Those people are still out there...”

Her heart sank and for a moment she felt sick. She hadn’t really every allowed herself to think about it. Those people Not in those terms. And that was the thing keeping him awake, torturing him in his sleep the way they had forced him to torture her.

“Finnick don’t do this to yourself...” she wanted him to stop. For both of their sakes. But his voice and heart rate rose.

“No. I have to. This is why we have to go back. The people that supported that are still out there. Those people that supported whatever sickness Snow threw at them. They are just as dangerous.”

Finnick was picturing the large man in purple from his dream. He imagined him out there planning a way to kill them both for Snow. Or for himself. Who knew.

“I’m sorry..” he whispered again. For waking her, for worrying her...for hurting her.

“Shhhhhhhh no. Remember. No more sorry...” she felt herself gently rocking her hips against his as though her words were trying to calm and forgive him and now her body was, too. She almost hated herself for it but perching on him and seeing his vulnerability as he cried about the same things she had....as he dared to cry in front of her at all...made her want him.

She slowly reached between him and took him softly in her hands. He protested gently at first.

“No...you don’t have to.” But she didn’t let go of him. He was still soft between her fingers as she opened herself to him and made a place inside of her, lowering down onto him and feeling him immediately harden as he groaned at the strange sensation.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. I want you. I’ve always wanted you...” her voice came and went from her control as she felt him stiffen and fill her. He placed his hands on her lower back and bent his legs just right to support her. Their foreheads were pressed tightly together until she purred at him..

“Look at me...Finnick Odair....” his green eyes fluttered gently, half in sleep and half in lust for her. He leaned back and watched her face as she rhythmically rocked her hips on him.

“You have never hurt me in a way that wasn’t to save me. Not in the arena, not that night, and not going to the Capitol now.”

Their bodies were still moving effortlessly together as her words fell over him. He tightened his grip on her back.

“I love you.” His words hardly came with sound but she could hear them.

“I know.”

She picked up the speed in her hips, rolling against him, and as her words came so did she. Tightening quickly around him, with which one final thrust upwards brought his orgasm from him, too as they locked eyes and bodies together. She closed her eyes only for a moment at the feel of him throbbing...emptying...before needing to see him again. He smiled gently at her as their bodies all at once quickened and slowed. Her tensing around him had exhausted her already tired body and as she finished coming she slumped gently into his chest. He held her there, kissing her hair as he rocked them together back into the cool sheets. He was propped up just slightly enough to support her on his chest, where she was already starting to fall asleep. He turned his head slightly to the right, taking in the pile of her things they had spent that day packing. And the tiny suitcase that held Mags’ clothes and toys. 

“You’re sure you want to come. It’s not like I can’t come back. Visit. Just stay there when I have to for a little while....” his voice was so low he almost wondered if she would be awake enough to hear it. He couldn’t fight the pang of guilt he was feeling for pulling them away from the life they knew.

“Together, Finnick. You go...we all go. And we have to go. For Mags.”

She lifted her head and kissed his chin, smiling up at him faintly and he returned it.

“So don’t ask me again.”

She winked at him and he bit his lip at her playfulness, folding her back into his arms as she found sleep on his stomach.

They drifted off together as they had become accustomed to doing and he knew she was right. This was their score to settle. And they would do it the way they had finally learned they had to.

Together.


End file.
